How utterly messy it is to come back to this place after so many years. If anyone wants a word of advice for their future life as a potential parent: don't give a phone to a kid. Seriously.
I don't know how many of the people I've hurt with my childish sheananigans are still active in this place. I did realize one thing, however. Sometimes, when a person is nice to you, you should be grateful. Grateful they're wasting their time for you, showing you a respect and interest that they could have directed anywhere else. In years I'd been on this platform, I was only playing with the feelings of others and treating life like it was one big game of relationships. It came back to hit me at full strength, and now I suffer the consequences of my actions.
I'd never felt so mentally drained during my entire life before this moment. A void in my chest that feels so hollow every damn morning; waking up is a curse. Like your heart is clasped in the sharpest trap, your mind rampant with both disillusioned and nevrotic thoughts, and your stomach is turned around itself. If this is even an ounce of what I've made countless of others feel, I pray whatever is up there to let you know I'm truly sorry. Sorry for everything I've been, done, and couldn't be.
Please, pursue your dreams and be happy. Live on.
