urlove_shazsq

Me: -vibin and being a CoOt Boi- 
          Dysphoria: YoUr FeELiNg LiKe YoU PaSs? 
          Me: ಠ_ಠ
          Dysphoria: HaHa! FuCkiN!- 
          [Soap-sama has entered DA chat] 
          Dyaphoria: NaNi?!!! 
          Soap-sama: ViLe FiLtH! ShUt YoUr DiSguStiNg MoUtH!!! 
          - OmAe MoU ShiNdEru's Dysphoria- 

WhEn YoU WaNnA WriTe A StOrY BuT KnOw NoOnE WiLL ReAd It-- 
          (; ಥ⌣ಥ)

Man...being in a one-sided love hurts a lot, ya know? 
             Theres this boi I like, and when I say like...
          I'm like ObSeSsEd with him...I love him so much I cant function unless I know he's happy and okay. 
             But...sadly he just see's me as a brother...plus to add the cherry on top...he has a girlfriend.
            I'm bestfriends with his cousin and they both live together...so...I see him a lot...like on the daily...  
          It would be a lie if I said I wasnt jealous and just fucked up inside whenever im near him...
             But...if he's happy and okay with his girlfriend then...I cant really do anything can I?...its clear who he loves...and...his happiness is my happiness...
             If him being with her is what he wants...then...I'll let him go...but...
             I'll still love him so much...sadly for me...like I said...I'm ObSeSsEd with him...I think about him all the time...I cant help it...i get so anxious whenever I don't know his whereabouts and his safety...hes my everything...literally...
            But...its okay...as long as he is happy I cant complain.
          
          
          
          Love sure is complicate, huh? 
          ...I should really see a phycologist, huh? ಥ⌣ಥ

I know this is kinda depressing but...after a while of being sad...for a very long time...
            You just grow numb...you grow numb to the pain. And sometimes there feels like a hole 
            In your chest, leaving you empty...and broken. Some people grow so used to the numb feeling...they forget what even causes the pain. 
            But they know that...the hole in their chest will never go away...and the pain will still be there.
            Even if your on meds to suppress it...it still comes back one way or another...forever haunting you. I've tried a lot of things to...
            Stop feeling like shit 24/7...but...the pain comes up sometimes. From when somebody mentions something thats related to the pain, when somebody does something that reminds me of the pain...or when I'm all alone at night...
            With my worst enemy...my thoughts. But at the end of the day...there's only one thing you can do, is just stay alive. Keep living. If you dont have a reason to live, then make your own reasons, write a list of things, it could just be 
            To eat a certain food one last time, to see a movie with somebody, just make a reason...
            Because every life is worth living, and nobody should have to die, regardless circumstances...unless your some murder on death row, yeah, this doesnt apply to you. 
          
          
          
          
          XxX W XxX 
            I had to add that last part, just to lighten the mood a bit, since I'm talking about a very sensitive topic. 
                 Stay CoOt and SaFe ma beautiful HoOmAn jellybeans! 
                                Bye! 

ReD ReD Wiiiiiiiiiine! Ahhhhhh! ThAts MaKeS Me FoRgEt! ReD ReD Wiiiiiiine! 
             I FLiPpiN LoVe DiS SoNg! 
          I grew up listening to dis amazing song and MiChAeL JaCkSoN!!! 
            Hell ya GaMeRsssssss! 
          Ya boi be livin dat 80's LiFe WiTh Da GoOoOod 
             MuuuuuuuuSiC!!! 

@angel-fears is a FriCkiN CoOt FrUiT LoOp!!!
             And AnY OtHeR HoOooOman that tells me otherwise caN SuCk A DiC!!!-- 
          [ HaNd SoAp has entered da chat ] 
             - big BoOtLe of hand soap wrestling a DaMn 
          SaD BuRriTo OtAku - 
            I WILL HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!-- 
          - RiGhT HoOkEd In Da DaMn FaCe - 
            Soap-sama: vile filth deserves to be cleaned! 
          OmAe Wa MoU ShiNdEru!!!!!! 
          
          NANI?!!!!!!

*pokes ur nose* Lets talk.... U dont get a choice :)

5 months. heh. let's go out with a bang.

depression and anxiety is a bitch.

even though things have looked brighter for me...it never lasts long enough...just enough to remind me of how stupid I was to think it would ever last. 
          
          I know I'm a very pessimistic person, I know I put on facadęs because I'm terrified of everybodies reaction...but, it doesn't make it okay to brush off my problems like there nothing...I mean...am I nothing? 
          
          your probably wondering why I'm saying all this shit now...and it's because I realized how fucked up it is to be me...but I have had bright days...bright days that only lasted a few hours before the thoughts and feelings came back like the slut it is to destroy whatever happiness I had in those few hours of pure bliss. but I can only remain grateful for those few hours....but I don't know how I'll cope with just those few hours that are bow only remaining to minutes...
          
          I'd like to say that...I am not the best person in the world, I am not someone who deserves happiness but...why can't the world or better yet everybody including my fucking head leave me the fuck alone? 
          
          I know I'm rambling and ranting, I know this must be extremely depressing reading this and I don't exactly what to cause that reactions but I deserve to at least voice my problems...I'm only human. all I wanted to say was...the world and my head needs to leave me the fuck alone...except for the few people who bring those few hours or minutes of happiness.