dont die on me

if clouds could speak what do you think they'd say?

did she kill me in the back of her mind yet? If i say sorry now i'd be selfish, i hope you're doing well cause we both had to go through the help process, i had to cut off my help process for multiple reasons but it get worse, i wonder how you are, I can't seem to love n more and i've neer shown mine to ou.
          Are you going to be ok? How is ur relationship with your mom? Did you find someone? Did they agree? Do you still write? Whats your fav group? Do you still love heesung bc he reminds me of you? Do you think we'll be able to be as confortable as we were,? cause i still do everything i've told you but now i have a deep love for films and literature and well you. Will you able understand me? we both are mentally gone anyway.  Can you even look at me? Can you hold my pinky finger once again? Can we even hold eye contact?
          29 December 2021
          March 5 2021
          and then it crashed in July.
          i never even wished you happy birthday in September, the month you wanted us to mark 6 months, yet we could barely keep 2 without me loosing it.
          im sorry i can't hold a stable relationship, dont feel guilty for me tho, the world is too cruel for you sweetheart and i was too. I wish we met at the right time
          Maybe you were right i'm the right person, wrong time and ony fate can  tell us how it'll end.
          Fuck, how much i miss you and u and me both know we don't swear
          If i could see you i'd supress the urge to say "i love you" for both of our sakes.
          so here i am,
          I fucking love you S.S but i need you to kill me in your head before we go stupid again and think we can do this when we're both fucked up.
          Please be safe, gosh i'll never forget you.