rant rant, no need to read, sorry:
(tw: talks of slight anxiety)
just decided to update today and get my mind off things, i think the chapter i uploaded took so many weeks to even complete. when i thought it was over, i overlooked minor mistakes which demotivated me since i was really planning to get back i still had the fanfic in mind with the constant reminder to fix those mistakes, the task to tweak and edit is so simple yet i can't sit still (it is a developed habit of mine as i cannot handle staring at a laptop and working during a vacation, idk how to fix it)
then not so long ago, 2 days ago, my mental health just plummeted and i started to feel some anxiety creeping in yesterday.
but its not about the fanfic at all, it brings me joy!! literally
however, one of the people that brought me joy just decided to step down from content creating which made me feel so down. i feel so selfish for continuously crying over their sudden disappearance while knowing its for the better, and im not looking for any validity here. i wasnt really active in their space but their videos really calmed me down and ive sat down some times, writing the fanfic, playing hsr, and doing work while simultaneously listening to their streams.
i really hope they take care of themselves and heal and this experience was an eye-opener for everyone to pleaseee, take care of yourselves. mental health can bite at anyone at anytime and it will result in a lott of demotivation.
again, im not looking for any validating comments or pity!! i don't know where to put my feelings down healthily, so i think this might be the last place where i genuinely string my thoughts together. if you're somehow in the same situation as me, please take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to move on. hold on to things that bring you join tightly
