For chapter five, again, same thing as the previous chapters (punctuation and grammar). Regarding the end of dialogue, a comma is used when the dialogue is followed by “he said” or “she said” (ex: “Hi,” he said), while a period is used if an action followed the dialogue (ex: “What are you talking about?” He took a step forward, furrowing his brows). Suzie’s panic attack also seemed almost too sudden. I would recommend leading up to it a little bit more by mentioning some of the symptoms are her panic attack a little bit earlier. That way, her passing out doesn’t suddenly slap readers in the face. But again, I enjoy the story and am looking forward to the next chapter.
