vapricity

waiting for you hurts me more than you think
          	but no matter what I try, your lovely words feel like a lie
          	To how many people you whisper those, to how many you smile?
          	Waiting for you, just a waste of time

vapricity

such a gorgeous and ethereal girl, this girl was, the gazes of the unknown people around her, always following her, not being able to look away, too mesmerized and amazed by the face of an angel they witnessed. The beauty she held was never to be seen before, such sun-kissed skin and a perfect angel skull, such grace and perfection in every angle of her body.
          She was not from this earth, not a beauty like this. It couldn't be. No one on this earth could possess such gorgeous features, that's what everyone thought when they saw her for the first time. Their heart melted, not being able to process such artistry.
          
          and i merely agreed
          
          x, Vartist

vapricity

It's raining outside and I tremble, not being able to wait any longer to reach the building. It  looks kinda scary with the cloudy sky in the background. 
          I move my feet and as I finally enter my apartment, every weight falls off of my shoulders and I can finally breathe. 
          Suddenly a pair of blue eyes meets mine and I smile, so brightly, he surely thinks that I had the best day of my life. 
          it was partly true. 
          It always gets the best whenever our eyes greet each other the way our mouths never could.

vapricity

this message may be offensive 
"hello?" i say as soon as I answer the call.
          Silence.
          But suddenly i can hear someone sniffling.
          My eyebrows furrow in concern and worry floods my body.
          "hello? Can you hear me?" i start again, hoping this time the person would answer.
          "Yes, I...I can hear you", a shaky voice replies.
          Again there's silence.
          "my best friend...she said whenever I want to give up, whenever i think that life isn't worth it...I have to call a random number. And if someone answers, i have to stay alive. Alive for her if I'm not able to do it for me."
          a pained sound leaves her mouth and she loses control of her breathing.
          "She's dead. She died yesterday. My life is shit and she was the only reason I stayed alive"
          I can feel how hard she trembles and all my biggest desires in live suddenly lose any worth and a new one replaces them.
          My foot suddenly start to move. 
          I don't know where I am running, only my heart knows. 
          I want to hug her.
          "It was destiny. I'm sure of it", I whisper making her cry harder.
          "Why, God? Why can't I take the easy path" she whimpers and my heart cramps at the sound of her pain. 
          I'm afraid she will still do something and I'm running even faster till I can see a figure, standing in front of a bridge. 
          A girl, so pretty I was at a loss of words. 
          But her red face and swollen eyes were like a punch in my face. I couldn't bear the pain my heart suddenly felt. 
          The beauty held a phone close to her ear, her grip was tight as if she was afraid it would fall down from her, trembling too hard. 
          "why. Why should i continue to try? I have no one."
          I get slower, stop running until I stand near her. She doesn't notice me till I answer. 
          "Because your best friend was right. You have to stay alive." 
          She turns around and her eyes find mine, her jaw falls open and we stare at each other. 
          "w-why", she asks, so quietly, I'm glad we still didn't hang up or else I wouldn't have heard it. 
          "Can't you see?" 
          Her gaze never leaves me.
          "It truly is destiny."

vapricity

I am captured in this darkness, left with nothing but my self.
          The silence is loud, letting me hear my beating heart perfectly.
          Or maybe it's my fist, slamming on the floor in a rhythmic movement.
          I sit there, left with
          nothing but myself.
          I start to question everything, my decisions, my feelings i let take over me, which on some days control everything while i curl up into a ball, filled with nothing but numbness.
          And when suddenly my heart starts to cramp and i cannot breathe, knowing that i will drown in the darkness, something grabs my wrist. But it is no love or something secure that safes me. It's my anxiety crawling up, grabbing me and i can feel so many hands on my body, trying to hurt me in any possible way. I try to escape, try to push the hands away but each time it works and i rush away, they grab me again, pulling me towards the empty nothing, away from the saving light.

vapricity

In my dream
          We were so hardly in love
          That we could not stay apart
          we were wandering around
          while you showed me the place
          you loved so dearly
          the place you lived
          the place you liked
          i liked it too as soon as i saw your smile
          i met people you called friends
          people who brought out your shine
          I was happy to meet them 
          Happy to get to know you better 
          And for a moment i thought 
          The label 'friends' woule fit us better
          until you came closer
          your lips met my neck
          and my lungs gave out
          And suddenly you seemed more important than oxygen ever could
          and i was longing for you
          never how friends should