velvetballaspark

also i super promise i can be chill i swear

um. holy shit. holy SHIT. hello? hi? (okay be cool @ me) STOP IT WHAT ?!?!??! i can’t believe you’ve even- i was just reminded of the episode of New Girl where Nick moves out to be with Caroline and Jess is pointing at his indented spot on the couch and said “all this time, he was making something” -like all this time i’ve been leaving comments but i genuinely never expected anyone to notice MUCH LESS THE AUTHOR? g’na crash out. anyway HELLO SORRY I AM SO NOT COOL I AM STARSTRUCK I AM A BIG FAN OF YOUR BRAIN. thank you for writing. it’s my HONOR to have made writing these stories any more rewarding for you ❤️ the last year of my life, my whole world has fallen apart (not to be dramatic but actually true LOL) and your stories have been a secret garden for me to escape into and i do not say it lightly when i say that having a book like Devil’s Due to escape to when the world is too much has saved my life more than once. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
            
            …this is also super embarrassing but since i NEVER thought i’d have the opportunity to speak to you directly i have to tell you that i fucking love that devilsrry likes tickling River because i like to be tickled and i know a lot of people find that strange so it kind of validated me and i felt represented so thank YOU! i’m so excited to jump back into devils desire- i SCREAMED and messaged my friend when i saw the notification it had a new chapter. like THIS IS NOT A DRILL. anyway not to ramble your ear off thanks for saying hi ❤️ hope you’re having a good day today!!!

you’re the best!!! Thank you for taking the time to read it and im so so happy you’re enjoying it and can find comfort in it. I just keep noticing your comments and they always make me smile xoxo

IAKJDKDIDU HELLO?? oh i’m crashing out man i’m eating grapes off the wallpaper. i’ve been kissed by an angel :’) to have made a difference in your day at all is just… pft, beyond me. putting that on a list of accomplishments somewhere. i… yeah wow. no but thank YOU so much. trying to not to blab your ear off right off the bat bc i’m a nervous talker and i have so many thoughts. i just feel really lucky i get to escape to this world you’ve created. thank you so much. my world is a little dark right now but i’ve just found so much comfort in Heavenly. you’re truly talented and you’re so so clever and i’m just really enjoying reading this story. thank you for writing. thanks for being lovely. hope you’ve had a great day!!! xxx

I don’t have like a personal account. I use my fan account which I’ve abandoned since long ago but it’s something haha 
            I can’t believe you finished aerial so fast. It takes me so long to read!!
            Yes I saw- she updates today. I’m sat literally <3

@velvetballaspark oh honey, i know I shouldn’t say but what a loser might that person be to be losing a sweetheart like yourself. You’re so, so sweet and if anything, I’m here for you, okay? You have a friend in me. We can connect through ig or something if you wanna talk more. I think I’ve got lots of stories to tell you, I adore your company. 
            Coming back to your reply. I am SOO glad you get it. And I’m so happy you finished Aerial. I need to reread it properly. 

@soupysunset i’m back!! sorry love bug. i’m doing better every day. i…i’m going through a divorce. so. it’s been… a lifestyle change, to put it mildly. moved back in with my parents while going through it. anyway. sorry for disappearing. are you well? love to hear from you. thanks for not forgetting about me.
            
            DUDE i am so glad you’re on the same page. the epilogue gave me no relief either (and this message, you saying that the epilogue gave you no relief but that i should return to serial, is the reason i trusted you to do so)

i mean that in the best of ways. i’m so glad you told me to go back. but man, sometimes it’s like my heart doesn’t know what to do with itself. it’s overwhelming to feel so deeply.

@soupysunset i’m in the double encore and i gotta tell you. my heart is full and tired and fragile. like i feel like i’m going to experience some form of emotional drop when it’s over. there’s just so much i’ve become attached to and my heart is going through it and sometimes i get so overwhelmed with the emotions it brings me that i don’t even know what to do with myself  birdie has such a beautiful mind. it’s one of those things that’s like “i wanna live in this world forever but also i can’t take it” y’know? the best kind of pain? and i’m so grateful for the relief she’s brought us with the encore. but fuck. like the sheer amount of nostalgia i feel for the beginning of the story is insane???? oh god i’m going to cry  i’d stopped right before 36 (the virginity chapter) and WHAM. knife to the heart. and i could never be mad at either of those characters y’know? the pain and the arguments and the love, it’s so so so… real. so visceral. wow.

@velvetballaspark you finish aerial!! I promise it’ll love you back. 

@soupysunset I'm glad to hear from you, sweets. Take it easy, I know it's very difficult. I'm doing the same. My life is very stressful, so I try not to let my sadness overtake the goals. It's hard and the opposite of motivating, but I'm getting by. 

@soupysunset doing a lot better. sometimes it still doesn't feel real even though I can still feel the very visceral sadness and acceptance inside of me, and not a day goes by that i don't think about it, but it's better. still having random bouts of tears but they're slowing. thanks for checking in on me!! sorry i didn't respond. life has been so hectic. how are you doing????

@velvetballaspark Your grief is completely valid. No matter what you say. They were /your/ safe space growing up and even now we hang onto these characters here in books to live vicariously through them because we find so much comfort in them. I feel for you, so bad. I didn't think I'd see this day so soon. Thought I'd be old and wrinkled. But that's part of the reason we feel so lost. He was taken away too soon, too abruptly. Just.. take your time, okay? Take your time accepting. I also entered a dark zone after seeing the news but sharing it and being able to talk about him to my roommate, my brother helped a lot. The whole group together meant the whole world to me as a 14 year old kid. People who didn't love them like you did will never understand why it's impacting you like this. But hey, I do. And you're not alone, okay? I'm 100% here with you to listen and talk. You're valid. Don't feel guilty please.

@soupysunset like it makes me scared. i want to put the rest of them in a bubble and protect them. i can't do this four more times.

@soupysunset hi you. thank you. and likewise. i'm here for you. when i first heard the news i was in shock, and then about 4 hours later i broke down crying. then i cried in therapy yesterday evening (10/17 - sorry, i don't know your time zone so just clarifying the date), and then i saw the boys' posts and that fucking broke me. i lost it again. one direction including zayn's name in their post broke me. julez posting about it makes it even more real. i just feel sick. 
            
            i've actually had multiple people in my life reach out and tell me they thought of me when they heard the news, and hoped i was okay. i'm overwhelmed. i told my therapist i felt like i didn't have a right to be this upset over it. that because i didn't actually know him i didn't think i deserved to be upset over it. but i am. i am fucking heartbroken and i don't know how to process this. i've lost people--but never suddenly. never like, unexpectedly. they've always been sick or old. i feel robbed. stolen from. and that makes me feel guilty. i don't want to make it about me. i'm just really, really struggling, girl.

@soupysunset stawwwp awee!!!!!!  I'm so glad you did too. I still get kind of nervy leaving comments so I'm glad I did. The feeling is mutual. It's so fun talking books with you. Yes please! And she/her is good for me too:)

@velvetballaspark and you babes? I'm so glad I replied to your comment. You're such a good partner to discuss books. We need to connect better.

@velvetballaspark Pleaseee, you can call me whatever. I'm good with anything. But she/her is fine too.

@soupysunset sorry that was a lot

@soupysunset I miss it too. It becomes a whole little world you live in. Like you immerse yourself in it and then when it's over it feels like there's something missing. 
            
            And so true. I think I love, love, love aerialrry because he's so damn playful. I love all those moments in aerial where they do the Rock Paper Scissors, and race to the dressing room, elbowing each other for room. And yes, the scene with the fountain. So intense. The writing is just... unreal. And there's something so wholesome and charming but in an old-fashioned way about the guys throwing him in the fountain as a celebration. And fuck, I forgot what he calls it. But it's when Cherry takes showers that he goes and hangs out with Nettie (which, the whole thing about him using wrong names on purpose is such a giggle) is SOOOO CUTE. Ugh so many things. That book had me constantly smiling. But I think devilsrry is just... he's so... ugh. Idk what it is. He's very sensual. I dunno. He scratches all the right itches in my brain for some reason. And the way he's obsessed with making her laugh just kills me. AND THE ITALIAN. Sorry I'm rambling. I think I need to rr Devils Due.
            
            On Top, yeah! It's boxerrry. author is sogoldenarry It's pretty heavy in smut and super kinky, but there's a whole lotta cuteness too. I'm just now getting to those bits.
            
            And yes! I think that's technically where we met. I really loved a lot of their moments too. And I really empathized with May. And... Well, I feel like I shouldn't say much because I don't want to spoil it. So let me know when you're done or if you decide not to continue. :)
            
            Oh wow! I don't know any other languages. Took 4 years of Spanish and barely know anything. I'm sorry things are stressful right now for you:( why do you feel guilty for reading?! I'm glad you have an escape though! I'm uh, yeah I'm going through a tough spot in my life so this is my escapism as well. I relate more than you know.

@velvetballaspark I'm okay.. but I miss it. I want to read it again. Miss everything about it, ugh. And yes, those two are head on competing on being the best boyfriends. But because aerial is set in like the 60s and devilrry is modern, I learn towards him. But aerialrry was my life for 4 years. He's amazing, he's a god, he's so perceptive and works so hard. Did you read the scene when his friends tossed him into the water and he threw his wallet at her? She saw her photo. That was so intense. 
            
            And I haven't read the series from ruby slippers. Just the two books. I forgot the name of the other but you can see it in my list for the books that I really love or something. (God I really need to fix them)
            
            No. On top? I haven't seen that one. What's that about? Talk to me. 
            
            OH YEAH? You've read introspective strangers? I really love some of their moments and I really connect with the mc with her avoidant attachment style and everything. I'm trying to continue it.
            
            I'm just really stressed with my life these days. Been learning french and all, and reading makes me feel guilty but it's my only escape.