@villagesview-
*/ sometimes i stop && think about how donna wound up in haymitch's care when he was still young himself, a heavily traumatized 20 year old suddenly looking after this little baby girl && how much donna always looked up to him/continues to look up to him despite it all. and then i cry.
*/ i'll stop yapping abt them someday but they deadass haunt me. mirrored images of each other.
*/ mbs is up ,, my beautiful tortured girl.
*/ "I am a SELF-DESTRUCTIVE MONSTER who ruins everything I touch, I MANIPULATED everyone into liking me, my potential has been WASTED due to circumstances of MY OWN CREATION, I go back to an EMPTY HOUSE because everyone in my life has moved on, I am a BLEEDING OPEN WOUND, all my kindness is really just NARCISSISM IN DISGUISE, I will BREAK MYSELF FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I STARVED MYSELF in order to be saved by an idealised romance, I can go ANYWHERE except for THE PLACE I CALLED HOME, I will SPIRAL UNCONTROLLABLY if left to my own devices, I AM THE INSTRUMENT OF MY OWN DESTRUCTION, THIS WAS INEVITABLE" — belladonna probably. also taylor swift.
*/ 'now i know how joan of arc felt' except it's haymitch thinking about beetee and ampert when belladonna is taken by the capitol.
w - when - when we come up, you - you need to run-
── જ⁀ I DO IT FOR MY DADDY AND I DO IT FOR DALE.
belladonna maysi abernathy headcanons below. dnr.
I DO WHAT I WANT AND DAMN, I'M DOING IT WELL FOR ME.
── is it so wrong for her to say she doesn't believe in an everlasting happiness? donna has never seen anyone truly happy; not her father, not her peers, not herself. she doesn't believe it's out there, doesn't believe it exists, so she doesn't live her life pursuing it. like her father, donna chose door two: accept your fate.
── in the words of The klaus hargreeves: "daddy issues, daddy issues! chaos junkie, mommy issues, more daddy issues"... you get it. after learning finnick's story, donna could piece together how she came to be — why her mother was unknown, why her father seemed so pained. it only twisted things more in her mind, because on top of the alcoholism and the isolation and the trauma passed down, she knew at least one factor of it all resulted in her. as for the chaos junkie quality... well. isn't it obvious?
i’m sorry. i.. i thought i’d get to see you sooner. and definitely not like this. ( haymitch couldn’t even /look/ at her. being unable to do anything to save her had nearly killed him inside. ) i’m assuming you don’t want to talk about it. but if you do, i’ll listen. ( it was a much too late attempt at him trying to resemble a good father. he knew that. ) i want to be here for you, for real this time. if you’ll let me.
( haymitch freezes at the name. it almost makes him sick. yes, he knew wiress was dead.. but he hadn’t known anyone would ever bring her up again. /no/. he can’t focus on the things in the arena. cannot focus on thoughts of his former mentor. will not. he needed to focus on his daughter, the girl in front of him, the girl who he finally willed himself to care about. to not be /afraid/ to care about. ) no. it wouldn’t have. there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. you can’t blame this all on yourself. not everyone can be saved. ( he internally winces at his own words. wrong thing to say, and he knew it. ) i mean- ( he fumbled, trying to find a way to stumble through it. ) i mean, you weren’t the only one who didn’t see any of them, okay? none of you saw it coming. there was nothing that could have been changed. ( her words, he’s realized, are words he’d been hoping to hear for a long time. but not words he believed he ever deserved to hear from her. something claws its way up his throat, drying it. he wasn’t sure what to say. he fought through his mind to say something, /anything/-) ..okay. you don’t have to be alone anymore. ( the words, even with all of his struggle to get them out, are so quiet. he doesn’t quite know why. some part of him thinks it’s because he’s afraid he’ll do something to hurt her. another part of him knows that he wouldn’t ever let it happen. )
/ oh my god that’s sick.
── જ⁀ @fiftyswon , { the small, muffled noise that comes from belladonna sounds pathetic even to her own ears, that whimper of things she cannot say feeling caged in her throat. how do you tell your father you were tortured, beat and tossed aside at the end of each day while avoiding the fate of admitting you couldn't handle it? against the odds— ha-fucking-ha — donna grew up being able to handle herself, all for what in the end? she's still in the hospital bed. her dad is still the one at her bedside. another sound of defeat leaves her at the mention of the arena, forehead meeting her knees as she squeezes her eyes tight. } wiress. { she mumbles, the name clawing up from her throat before she can even broach the capitol more. } i let her die, and it wasn't worth anything. i could've been with her and it would've— it would've been better than *there.* anything would've been... { 'better' dies on her tongue as she wipes her face across her knees again, finally twisting her head to peer up at her father with red eyes. daddy, i scrapped my knee! daddy, i fucked up. } i want you here. { she says, tone final for the first time in a long time. } i don't wanna be alone anymore. i'm so tired of being alone. ( .. ) i'm so tired. */ 'you're a big girl now' coming on shuffle as i type this reply ,, sickening.
( haymitch attempts to push down the frown that threatens to form across his face. he’s not angry, not at her. never at her. something pulls at him, telling him to do something, /anything/ to give her a semblance of comfort. but so much time spent picking a bottle over her has taught him nothing. he falters, unsteady — and he doesn’t know if she’ll even allow him to get close. he wants to try. he /will/ try. but he isn’t quite sure where he should start. ) you were right to be scared. ( the words feel wrong. maybe they had been. he wanted to blame it on anything else, but his lack of words made him unable to do so. ) is it? i would’ve picked you up out of the arena myself if they had let me. but i didn’t. and you suffered because of it. suffering that you didn’t deserve. that /nobody/ deserves. ( he swallows, hands feeling almost clammy. it makes him feel somewhat sick, although he can’t imagine why. ) i’m here now. i’ll be here for as long as you want. i’m not leaving again. ( he was going to tell her he promised, but he’d already made one to her. making another felt like an attempt at making up for lost time — over and over. realizing everything, it caused a pang in his chest. he hated the feeling. )
it is a little- ( . . . ) unconventional
── જ⁀ @fashionforwards , { although it was years ago, the resemblance to yet another scowling blonde with an innate need to critique fashion seems to be the echo of a gunshot as belladonna glares down the mirror a final time. she doesn't expect it, being grateful for this less than enthusiastic stylist, but at least it's getting her out of this atrocity. } no frills. { she states, voice firm as she finally glances away from her offending reflection. } it's time to admit they don't look good on anyone, and i don't look good in bright colors. if you think you have something i won't hate, i'm all ears.
( @villagesview- ) ( calliope wants to snap at donna’s less than formal language, but she’s right, the dress is downright / atrocious / and pink is definitely not her colour. prosie needs to learn that just because / she / likes a colour, doesn’t mean everyone else will, she’s getting sloppy :/ ) c’mon, let’s get you out of this, i’m sure i have something more- ( . . . ) ‘your style’ lying around somewhere. no one will wanna talk to, let alone sponsor you, if you look like you want to die all night / ur all good! school’s lowkey kicking my butt so i haven’t been as online anyway :/
── જ⁀ @fashionforwards , spare me the pity, princess. this dress is ugly as fuckin' *sin.* { disdain laces donna's tone as she turns to the side, watching as the reflection of frills and lace take what seems to be a century to catch up. this might be worse than a bloodbath. } i'm not wearing this anywhere. pink looks like vomit on me and whoever styled this wanted the person wearing it to hate them. */ my apologies for the late reply ,, a storm shot out my wifi, so replies are taking a little longer :")
*/ have a very very long day ahead of me ,, cb & drop and i'll respond when i get home :")
my sister’s taken quite the liking to you, ‘can’t really imagine why-
/ please excuse her she’s horrible :)
( @villagesview- ) ( the harsh red of embarrassment and anger is quick to settle across calliope’s cheeks at belladonna’s comment, her ears growing hot and vibrant under curls, making the skin itch. she / knows / she’s pretty, she’s been told so her entire life, ever since her golden cherub curls grew long and her eyes stopped looking too big for her face and men her father used to bring about started to notice every detail of her, but the words still makes her fists clench and her teeth grind together. call her vain, sure, haymitch sure does, and maybe that’s where donna gets it from, but she knows her worth ) and i call tell not one of your father’s skipped you, you little ball of joy ( maybe the comment was too harsh, would hit a little too close to come, but seriously, what does effie see in this girl? ) / oh they can be hateful together
── જ⁀ @fashionforwards , d'aw, don't waste all your compliments on me. save some for yourself !! { the air of dismissal pours from belladonna in waves as she kicks her feet up onto the coffee table, leaning back into the chair and peering over her sunglasses. terrorizing capitol residents isn't exactly part of her non-existent job description, but when the occasion arises, who is she to back down? } after all, i can't imagine you get 'em from anyone else. did all the good genes skip you and go straight to effie ?? */ please excuse HER ,, she came out of the womb a little mean <//3
*/ experiencing brainworms for her ,, how am i gonna make it to november gang.
https://pin.it/5TeubLlqG
