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UPDATE: I can no longer write—it’s been months now. I have no negative emotions to convey through words. And as counterintuitive as it sounds, the more joy I experience in life, the more I lose the ability to write

Again I, who is burdened with glorious purpose, hidden from everyone—particularly God— stealthily, rewrote the outline. For things that cannot be changed can only be broken, and so I will change the equation, I will break the loom. From the view of I, who left all needed things behind in the womb, I see it clearly: my life, as it has been, was such a waste of time.

What we have in common is that we only see so far; we are limited in every capacity - in our own caste of perception that we live in. I am not a spiritual or religious person, I think we will never see beyond another free direction of movement. Even to you, I am a separate person - a different person than myself as I am alone.  In a new genesis I will be who I am to you, who I truly love. What I am afraid about you is that you are just like me - we may do different things, have different lives, different strengths and different flaws, but in essence the way you and I see ourselves and others around us are the same, with selfishness, regret and hatred.
            
          What I am in love about you is that you are just like me - we both are the same system in different bodies and realities. You and I know we are so limited and yet we exist anyway. We know each other’s temporality and fragility - I just want to love you, not to fill a hole in my heart but to bring you comfort.

I, hidden from everyone (particularly god), stealthily rewrote the outline.
          The things that can not be changed can only be broken.
          From the view of I, who left all needed things in the womb.
          I am alone the honored one who left it all behind.

I am the one who left it all behind

Update: I found my dream job. A job that I can work from anywhere in the world and also work as much as I want to, not bc I am obliged to but bc I love doing it.
          I'd like to thank my younger self for doing his best.

I feel so detached from reality. All my dreams are from a possible distant future. And everything I dreamt about is happening.

No matter how many regrets I have, I am proud of you (my younger self) for reaching this far. Everything is going to be better, I will take it from here.

I don't have any regrets, I have accepted other people's differences. It doesn't matter if they do though because by accepting them, I accepted myself.

After a long while alone and after all those years. I realized that It's not worth fitting in and adapting in the environment you are in. I wonder why I hated everyone back then, I know... If I stayed myself I would be probably be hated by everyone bc that's how I felt towards them (people my age).