miss you, hope you're doing okay up there. every time I see anything chelsea-related I always think of you and it hurts knowing that you aren't here anymore, I can't talk to you anymore even though our conversations feel like last week, that you won't hit the milestones in life that I'm hitting. I hate that I will never get to meet you, I'm scared that I'll forget you someday and 'London' will only mean the city even though I can't even type your name sometimes if I'm talking about your passing. I don't think I'll ever understand why it happened and went the way it did but I'll never stop loving you, I'll never stop missing our football conversations and our banter and whenever you said I should make a graphic shop here, how you encouraged me and told me you'd prove me wrong and that everyone would love it even though I denied it. I promised myself I would come on here and write a short sentence telling you I missed you and loved you, not a whole paragraph about our memories but genuinely you deserve it. I know it's stupid trying to communicate to you on an app knowing you're not here anymore but sometimes it makes it feel like it used to, in 2021/22 when we'd constantly text and we first got into our friend group. I wish I could've apologized to you and said goodbye properly before you died, I felt like you deserved better than that from me and I used to beat myself up over it a lot. I wish it had all gone differently and you were still alive and one day we would meet and travel the world but knowing you'll never get to do those things hurts me so much. you deserved to live life and it was taken from you. I love you so much London, a random 1.30am post thinking of you <3