♡quackers♡

I got the news 30 minutes after it was released, and I still haven't fully processed it.
          
          One direction was a huge part of my childhood. 12 year old me was obsessed with them, and they saved my life more times than I could count.
          
          When i got the news I didn't believe it, I was thinking it's just one of those rumors that goes around, but then it was all over every news channel, all over every social medias.. then today zayn and Louis make personal posts about it, and I think that's when it finally hit me that it's not a dream..
          
          Liam may have done wrong things, but he didn't deserve to die, nor did he deserve to die, thinking the world hates him. My heart goes out to his family and his little son bear. I hope liam can rest easy finally and be at peace.
          
          RIP liam Payne
          ♡♡♡

I'm gonna cry
          
          I moss my dad so much, and I didn't even realize it till he sent me a video, and I heard his voice
          
          

Idk how to comfort my bf.
          
          Like, i don't wanna say too much bc I feel like I'd be crossing some kind of line, but if I say too little, it sounds like I don't care.
          
          His best friends dad passed away yesterday, and he was really close with the man, so it's hitting him hard, but he won't really talk about it with me.
          
          So, the little he does say I want to be able to make him comfortable so he can say more, but I feel like im just pushing him away, yk?
          
          Also, I'm afraid he'll go to his ex bc when we first started talking, he said the last time he talked to his ex was when his grandmother passed but she didn't really help she just made it worse and tried to blame it on him.
          
          I'm in a different state rn, so I can't be with him in person, and what if I'm not enough yk? I'm trying so hard, but idk. For example, if the ex reaches out bc she heard about the death, idk if he'll deny her.
          
          I think it would be different if I knew she'd take care of him ( we aren't dating yet , so it wouldn't be cheating), but she'd make it all worse. She'd force him to do sexual stuff, and when he denies she'll blame him and degrade him and shit.
          
          I love him to death, and idk what to do 

I need someone to talk to, I'm so lonely that I might cry

Just watched it ends with us, and i don't even know what to say

I wanna be loved loudly. 
          
          To be loved openly, freely, and boldly.
          
          For someone to not have an ego so big that they feel like they can't show me some kind of reassurance or something every now and then.
          
          

Help lmaooo I took my screen protector off bc it was broke as hell and now I can't stop running my finger along my screen bc it's so soft.
          
          Like why did I not take it off sooner

Is it childish of me to say " I did good" every time someone say they are proud of me or like if I did something and the whoever it was for liked it.
          
          Like I say it to myself, but I still say it. Sometimes, I even fight the urge to say, " Did i do good?" Just to make sure lmaooo

I want to have a genuine phone call with someone :(
          
          stay up to 3am, talking about our hopes and dreams.
          
          What we'd name our children and if we want boys or girls.
          
          Learning eachothers werid quirks that make us who we are. 
          
          I just wanna learn things about someone.
          
          

I miss my old life on here :( 
          
          I had no worries at all and was always surrounded by the best people.
          
          I took a break from wattpad, but I kinda want to come back, not for the books but for the people.