Hi
I greatly enjoyed your first story. I hope the second story comes soon. I’m very eager to find out about what happens with the slowly blossoming relationships between the girls and the supernatural men. Also to find out the history Heronica that she cannot remember and also the previous relationship with the King.
I must say the English language format of writing was very good considering it is not your first language. Really there were only minor word order mix-ups (but still can understand) and few words that are very similar and easily confused (but again could easily know what it was meant to be. With minor editing and word rearranging in very few spots, it is an extremely well written story.
I’m not sure if I understand correctly that it’s based off of a game, but regardless, your wording of the story kept me very interested and engaged. Like I said, I’m VERY eager to read what happens in next series/book! Well Done on great work. I know there are people with English as their first language that would still struggle to get to half the level you have achieved in correctly using proper English writing format to write such a story. You should be proud. I’d honestly say 90-95% was grammatically correct. Basically just needs someone to proof-read for you to show minor mistakes or explain slight differences in wording, but it is very good work! Congratulations
