s̶e̶l̶f̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶t̶

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah
          Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it 
          It's not what I wanted, to leave you behind 
          Don't know where you'll land when you fly 
          But, baby, you were the love of my life.
          
          -
          
          i’m to scared to tell him i miss him, or that im okay, or that im doing better, or even that im a better person, all because of him.

havent posted in a while even though ive needed to... 
          
          
          it sucked. 
          
          i remember how he asked me to date him, I remember that day completely, i wish i didnt. 
          
          how can i still miss him? hes moved on, hes found hes people, i thought i did but guess not.  
          
          i miss how it used to be, when i had friends, i wasnt in a good place though... 
          
          i think i should just try and fucking get over him, even though he was amazing and sweet and pretty and he understood me, he never judged me, he never told me to grow up or act different, i could be me and he was okay with that. 
          
          i miss him.

why do i still miss him? 
          
          why do i miss the way he talked to me? 
          
          why do i miss the way he smiled or got all flustered when i would flirt with him? 
          
          why do i miss the way he left me..?

i feel like i ruined their life again and i didn't mean to, i guess i just want attention? im not sure yet 
          
          she decided she doesn't actually like me, i haven't said anything to her since that day, i feel like a dick. 
          
          everything is becoming strange, why cant i just be normal?

'and it almost worked...'

'Don't ask me why I still have your number saved
          Hello stranger, it's been forever
          You're acting normal but nothing's normal about 
          Trust issues, and soaking tissues
          Lyin' to my sister and sayin', "I don't miss you" '

'It's you, it's you, it was all for you 
          Everything I did 
          I wanted to tell you all the time 
          Heaven was a place on earth with you...'

I miss him again...

now i cant tell if hes mad at me or not-

'everybody talks to me like im the one you know? i should change. why should i change-? i never even got to find out who i am and you want me to change-? thats crazy. you tell me im bad before i even get to be anything-! what the hell is that?'