wattacutie

@Brittish 
          	
          	Hey thanks for reading my story, It means toooooooooooooooooooooooonnns! Can you still make me a book cover because if it is better I might replace the one I have? Thanks for checking out my story and I hope that you still make me a book cover cuz that would alsooo mean tonnnnns!!!

jazzjdmk24

Opps. Got cut off..... anyway. It will make it more of an impact on your readers.  When you feed your readers more dialogue between Cher and Mac, it will steal the readers attention and hook them on your story. Also, it will enrage your readers more when Mac's anger reaches his boiling point and her does the unspeakable to her.  It will also make your readers want more than ever for Cher and Enrique to be together. The readers will hang on every word you write if you give them mystery and intrigue, and at the right time, hit them with a your emotionally explosive dialogue and situations.

jazzjdmk24

Your story was a little fast. However very gripping. If ever in the future you plan on taking this story and maybe giving it a shot to get published, try adding a little more "teaser" dialogue.  Dialogue that builds up more to the relationship of Chef and Mr. Calais.  More conversations, situations, and dialogue between Cher and Mac.  Show more emotional build up between Cher and Mac.  It will make what Mac did to her more inactive to your readers

WriteYourSoul

Hey my puppy is cuter than yours lol jk anyways i came to ask if you can please check out my stor=y its called No Strings Attached please i would love it if u tell emw aht you think thank you im already reading one of yours toodles