this message may be offensive
i just want to say that hollow is one of my fav songs ever for a reason, one because its an absolute banger and two because the lyrics are...very relatable to me rn?
Like one of the lines in the first verse translates to 'I've checked off so many on my bucket list / Somehow, I still can't be satisfied' THIS HONESTLY HITS SO HARD because in the past year/semester/term in school, I've achieved some of my biggest targets ever, worked so hard in every subject. I received a full 7s for all subjects (basically top score) and it had been my goal or dream for a few years to be able to rank 1 in school, and yet, achieving it felt empty, or 'hollow'. Obviously I am really happy and satisfied with this, but then, perhaps because I've been pushing myself a lot in the past months and neglecting sleep / mental health, I fell immediately into a period of burnout in which I do nothing all day except scroll on YouTube shorts or reels or watch dramas. I lost interest and instead felt burdened by things that I used to consistently love doing, such as reading on wattpad, practicing cello, etc.
Today's day 1 for my MUN conference, and tmr's day two. I've been prepping for this conference for around one week and I met up with my co-del (like a partner) for a few times, yet I found no motivation to work on anything apart from those times. I feel really guilty, again, for not contributing a lot and I'm so demotivated to work on it because I'm placed in an advanced council in which I feel insecure about my skills and lack of confidence. I normal engage a lot within MUN, doing speeches and POIs, but this time, I've barely done anything and I feel so guilty about it to my co-del for disappointing her.
I feel so shit these days because there were sm things that I said I was going to achieve during summer, yet I have barely done any... (locking in on cello and my studies, losing weight, improving my dance skills, etc...I feel so disappointed in myself lowkey)
