its almost my birthday!! i decided to log back on here and update you guys a little bit, ive been writing poetry, trying to get my spark back in writing.
i don’t write the way i used to.
not because i don’t want to,
but because something feels missing.
there was a time when words showed up on their own.
i didn’t have to chase them.
they just arrived,
soft and sudden,
like they knew where to find me.
now i sit with open notes,
a blinking cursor,
and too much silence.
i try to force meaning
out of tired thoughts
and half-finished feelings.
i keep thinking it’s my fault.
that i waited too long,
that i let myself get distracted,
that i grew out of the part of me
that knew how to say things simply.
writing feels heavier now.
not hard.
just slow.
like walking through water
instead of air.
i miss trusting my own voice.
i miss not overthinking every line.
i miss when creating felt private,
before it turned into something i measured,
something i compared,
something i judged.
sometimes i wonder
if i changed too much.
if i became quieter inside.
if i learned how to hold things in
instead of letting them spill onto the page.
but i still come back.
even when it hurts.
even when nothing sounds right.
because part of me isn’t ready to let go.
maybe the spark isn’t gone.
maybe it’s just tired.
and maybe being tired
doesn’t mean being empty.