Mimi 🌻

You know sometimes I wish I wonder what did I do wrong or if I said anything, just to rewind everything to get things normal but I know that I didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe you just don’t really like me and just used me as your little play toy. I’m sick and tired of always being the ugly one and second option, the not beautiful one, not the skinny enough, just a fat girl, a poor girl, not a rush girl like everyone else. Or even your type. I thought I could be a very understanding person to you and yet you left me.... you stole a kiss, you stole my heart, you stole my feelings and just decided to quickly break it so quick and go off saying things like nothing ever happened or there was not a single feeling between us both. I was starting to think we were building such a good friendship and maybe a relationship too but where is it all of a sudden?? It makes me all confused and mostly very hurt... thinking the whole time that you were a good person but this whole time you were just playing pretend to get what you want and now.... I feel foolish. Obviously you know that I am around and you can just easily give me a one call or text away and then it’s all good between us but......*sigh*........... you don’t. So I hope your happy what you got what you deserved and I didn’t because I know that I’m just hurting myself more without any answers....... I’m just a miserable girl with no chances, no hope, no wish I could ever eventually have, and most likely be by myself and I wish at least I very much wish the people or the other person that I talked to and want them to talk to me again would at least talk to me just so I know and they know we are meant to be.... 

Be like a Star... beautiful to look at...but impossible to catch...

How do I know if I’m on the right track?

I thought I might’ve found someone to finally enjoy life with, but they too were a fake and a mistake, I feel like a big fool believing them. 

I wish you would keep secrets from me. I wish you were just honest with me and tell me the truth. But it hurts me to know that you probably do, behind my back, and I feel so stupid to believe all the things you said to me and what you did. They were all fake the whole time. That freakin hurts my heart a lot....

I wish you were the only one that I’ve finally found to be with for the rest of my life, being happy forever, never letting each other go, waking up in the mornings by with you, especially loving each other for all eternity and deeply for each other. But I know you never had and never will still....I wish you have and still do.... but for sure it’s gonna be a never for us. Your just gonna hurt me even more this time and leave me for her. I get it... she’s beautiful than me, better than me, smarter than me, cuter than me, better looking than me, richer than me and basically has everything that I could never have for you to make you happy enough to stay with me and I’m sorry that I don’t have all of that... I’m so sorry that I’m not perfect like her.!She’s probably for sure the best loving most person perfect girl that you have with you now and that probably why you left me for her. I’m not perfect to you, I’m never gonna be worth it to you... never had and never will. But it really really freakin hurts me a lot to think that I actually loved you this whole time think you felt the same way I felt for you but you never had and never will apparently and it shatters my heart even more.

I just hope we can still have each other, keep each other, have really nice conversations and protect each other and I hope you know that I love still and I hope you still of the same feelings for me too. Ily Xx.

At first I thought you were just like any other person to just get what you want and leave them but you spoke with me again but only for a little while with your sweet talk just so that I could fall more for you and apparently it worked for you and I thought for a minute I was wrong about you but I wasn't, you just decided to break me more, hurt me more and actually care about you. That was your trap for me.... and now I'm shattered, I was stupid enough to believe that for sure you might have changed alittle but it turns out you are the same lil devil for any girl to fall for. You just left me with no words, no answers, no explanation for me to know what the hell do you want from me, why did you come back? did you came back just to hurt me again because you saw how happy I was? Did you came back just to bother me of the hat I'm doing in life? Did you wanna make sure I was okay? Did you even loved me?! All those questions just flow around my head and I hate it, and it hurts me so much that I don't have the answers. I need answers, REAL answers from you. I honestly take back of what I thought you might've been and I regret forgiveness you, never should have forgiven you. I guess you were just a mistake...again.

I should've known......it was all a lie this whole time.......and I actually thought that maybe this time would be right, but I thought wrong, I hoped to much, I expected him too much..... now I have a hole again in my heart and I feel lost again I was afraid of being in that position again, and look at me rn, I already am. Why should I even cry about it if I knew it was coming? then again it still hurts me. But I still wonder what is all of that for, why have you came back to me? Why did you decide to just pop back into my life and then all of a sudden just leave me again?? Now I'm hurt and I regret of all the things I said to you, I regret the things I believe you said to me, I even regret your kisses. I know that now this time I won't take you back again. You've already had one chance and now you've used it up and there's no way your gonna have that chance again. You already lost me. I don't care anymore, even if you don't care either. I'm just another girl in your eyes. I hope you'll find someone you will love and that person will love you back as much as I did, and I hope your happy with her and your life. Goodbye.

And what really hurts me that most is that I still love him, but I already know he's gonna leave anyways, so why should I even cry about it