puppy

Current status: inside of a Twinkie.

When you accidentally pour too much alcohol into your mixed drink and you just have to deal with it because your mama didn't raise no quitter

Maybe swearing will help

Cookie dough is 100% worth the risk of Salmonella. 

They say the good die young. lucky for me‚ I'm an asshole. 

Your Flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth & and your head up your ass all at the same time. 

I'll get over it‚ I just need to be dramatic first. 

Some people are Just beautifully wrapped box's of shit

Everybody appreciates your honesty‚ until you're honest with them. then you're an asshole. 

I get road rage by walking behind people