I'm just... tired I guess. I fight, I get better, I fall, and I get worse. Idk why people talk to me or try to understand me when all I seem to do is fail over and over again. I push people away, and over share. But it's funny because I share so much but so little at the same time. I'm open about being queer, nonbinary, and a witch with trauma. But I know for a fact that I could have it worse, and I know that people have it worse. I just suck it up and shove it to the back of my mind. Nothing really matters to me anymore and if it does, then I just end up shoving it away. Anime has always been a comfort for me, even if it got dark. But my family insists on how stupid it is, or how it doesn't make sense, or laugh at me because I like it. They make fun of my music tastes, how I dress. They barely acknowledge my existence. Most of the time when they do talk to me it's a scolding. Freshmen year, I take classes that were easier and my parents called them "Stoner classes" and then senior year, I take AP classes and dual credit classes so that I can impress them, but when I tell them 'hey I'm struggling, can I have a break' they just yell at me and tell me it's my fault that I chose those classes. I just... I don't know what to do. Quarantine isn't helping any of this, and my parents won't even let me see my friends any more. It hurts and I'm just so done with everything. Damn I know that people have it worse, but sometimes I wish I could just disappear and never have to worry about it again.
I'm sorry if you read this. I'm just upset. I'll get over it.
love, Bleu