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happy (late) holidays! im alive, but still a real bad updater. ive been writing for other things (the ship steddie from stranger things mostly) but even that — something i think about all day every day — is difficult to finish and post. my brain hates me!
i do feel awful about how i havent really updated anything on here for nearly two years and then just disappeared for another six months or so, but i think, mostly, ive grown out of wattpad? that’s not me quitting it necessarily, but also maybe a little bit. i still won’t ever cancel my books, but finishing them seems more and more unachievable each day. but see: i am also a pessimist.
i love a lot of people on here and their beautiful writing. the community that comes with writing a book on this app is strange but insanely gratifying. it’s also a fucking nightmare, just a little. but! i am overwhelmed and flattered by everyone reaching out to me about enjoying my writing.
for me, the writing in amour coriace is a miserable thing to reread because of how egregiously bad it is to me. i feel horrible about saying that about an early teenage me’s passion project, but that’s what it was. i made an edgy, angsty, depressed OC who had so much of me in him that i almost hated him, too. but so many people loved him and still do love him, and that’s the only reason why that first book ever reached completion. because of how insane it was to me that anyone would like a character that i melded together during a depressive episode.
which is to say — if you’re even reading this long, convoluted thing — i love you for sticking around despite it all, and im sorry that my hyperfixations have shifted. i love wattpad in some ways that nowhere else can copy, one way being the community that can come to love some dumb author self-insert OC. even when authors dip for numerous months with no warning, the love is still fucking there, somewhere. I LOVE YOU!!!!! and im alive!!!!!
