I wanna tell you guys something.
i admit i self-harm, but i don't cut. i'm far too much of a pussy to go and pick up a razor. instead, I repeatedly scratch at my thighs, where i can easily hide my skin, until it starts to hurt or the skin gets scratched off.
now, if you don't self-harm you might be wondering how tf it helps.
just a few hours ago, i did it again.
my mom wouldn't let me go to school because i've been staying up doing projects since sunday. so she made me stay home and sleep, which i did not do.
so I was a mess this morning. i was hyperventilating, and i was dizzy, and i was so anxious because if i'm absent during project week, i might miss something important- and should I add that today I was supposed to have propfest for english and my last meeting for computer class.
going back to the point, i guess i do it because i want someone to notice. i want someone to notice even if i don't say anything.
call me an attention whore if you want, but the guy who likes me back can't even stay by my side when i'm sad. whenever i mention i'm sad, he'll ask why. when i start explaining, he'll say he has to go.
this morning, doing it helped me get my mind off of what was troubling me. It gave me something to focus on- making it hurt, the scratched off skin, and the stinging pain afterwards.
if anyone is reading thing, i'm sure you'd all tell me to stop and that you're here for me but no.
i don't do this much. the last time i did this was maybe last year, and no one noticed as well.
you cant be here for me because what i need is a hug. a hug in person- or at least a shoulder to cry on.
i'm not suicidal, so don't worry. self-harm just helps me take my mind off of things.
