i know what i said, that i wouldn't put personal things here, but my insta is permanently gone and im at a loss of where to turn. so uhm long yap ahead and possibly triggering, please don't report me.
sometimes, i feel like im playing a character. im always trying to be happy and positive, bring that energy here and spread it around. people expect it of me and that's fine, im so happy people see me that way. thats what I wanted, but it makes moments like this so much harder.
i live in a nightmare of a home (no, its not my husband's doing. he's a sweetheart and we live apart right now due to family, work, and circumstances) everyday is something new and horrific. im always upset or scared. today my hands were shaking for two and a half hours. i write to escape it and drown it out. that's why im sometimes super early to things. sorry I live here.
i wanted 2026 to be better, for me to spread happiness and positivity, ignore what was happening around me, but its just not possible. not when im struggling just to be present. im so sorry for dumping this here, but i have nowhere to go. im stuck.
idk what im posting this for...to be seen? to at least have someone know im trying to survive a nightmare?
im so so so sorry