Ok so I was raised in a Christian home and my dad was a paster so I was raised  to love God. So my story doesn't really start until my sister Makenna  came into my life. She was diagnosed with a disorder that no one else in the world has, she had seizures and more than half of her brain was being taken over and dying. She had three brain surgeries and was never able to walk or talk. I was her favorite person, and she was my everything. I started going to another church called the parks church and there I got more connected with God. Later on McKenna was getting so much worse. She was having a seizure after seizure each day, say doctors told us that her life was coming to an end. A lot of other stuff happened that it is just too hard to go into detail but I'm just telling you most of the outlines. Eventually a hospice nurse came in and if you don't know what that means, it means when they pass away then they will pass away comfortably. I was in bed one night and I prayed and I told the Lord that we don't want her to suffer anymore so if he needed to take her he had are permission. That night, she died in my arms as she took her last breath, her heart stopped beating, and her body stop moving... I deal with deep depression and anxiety now but I'm sort of pulling through but struggling bad...so here I am now thinking about all those memories I had, it's just this constant battle of do I say something or suffer without really knowing, don't get me wrong you guys know I'm struggling but you don't even know the half of it. I admit now that I need people, I need comforting, I need to feel loved, I have God and I always will but in some cases I need physical and mental affection...that sounds strange coming from me but I just need people right now. So that's where I am. (I feel like such an idiot for saying any of this because it looks so dramatic)