wwwwaaattttt123

After battling with depression, emotional trauma, anxiety, over thinking, self insecurities, career failure, relationships trauma and all here I'm giving up. Giving up on my dream to live. Giving up on my curiosity towards future. Giving up on may parents faith and love on me. Giving up on the idea ' Give it time, everything will be okay'. I'm done. No one died because of not marrying, but many have died marrying thr wrong one. I can feel that quote vwry well now. I hope at least de*th will give me peace. I was a person who was strictly against suic*des. But here I'm .

Staying single is far far better than being in a relationship where there is no feelings for each other.

Guilt... Guilt can kill you internally. Guilt of not being a good wife. Guilt of hurting others not intentionally. Guilt of being a burden in everyone's life. Guilt of not being reason for parent's proud. Guilt of not shining in academic career. Guilt of being alive.....

Imagine being married to someone you don't love, you don't have any feekingd for. That will be hell. Arranged marriage's works for some and will tutn a nightmare for most. In my case it is a nightmare. I'm married. It's an arranged marriage. I thought after marriage er will catch feelings and will become close and all. But,  it's gonna be one year after my marriage still nothing changed. No feelings developed not intimacy. Being in a relationship were there is no emotional intimacy is a big turn off. And then forcing your mind to be physically intimate eith your husband is a trauma. And i have been living with that for almost one year. If there is no emotional connection and bond between couples then there will not be a healthy S*x life. It eill lead to depression and loneliness, and I'm goung through it. I don't want to be in a relationship were i can't be myself or i can't relax and feel calm and peace. No, I'm not saying my husband is rude or forceful. He is respected and calm.But the priblem is I'm not getting any feelings towards him. I'm not feeling any kind of jealousy or possessiveness when he takes pic with his girl colleagues. I don't miss him at all when I go to stay in my oen home. I never felt a sexual attraction towards him not even a single time. I don't even care if he loves someone else or not....... God.. Ehy I'm I being like this. Why my life is so miserable. Ehy i can't be happy just like other married couples. Some times all I think about is divorce, because I'm ruining my oen lifr and his too. We are not meant for each other. We can't feel that vibe when we are together. I'm losing it everyday. I can't disappoint my family. One year ago I was a happy Cheerful girl. But now, look at me. I have became a fully depressed one.

Nowadays I have started to feel cringe towards M×M idol shipping. Like their shipping pages be like posting again and again decade before videos of them having just an eye contact for God knows how much Milli second. Like come on bro. I hate such kinda ship pages. Likr they trying yo prove themselves that their favourite ship is actually in a relationship. And commenting bad stuffs in any women idols or models insta pages who supposed to work with their favorite so called couple. Such a stupid people. Always being deleulu.

I just don't know if it's only me, that don't like their niece. God.. He is only 2.5 year old but got a really shit*y attitude. He always being like a stubborn tantrum out of control boy. God. I don't care however he is, but the problem is when he try to control me. Shit that makes frustrated like hell. He always orders things and if we don't do that he Start's his fuck*ng fake cry. Idiot. Some times he is okay. But all the other time he is always in my personal space and don't let me do things I want. Goddd... Such childrens are such a head ache.. Stupid kid.

I just wanna disappear from this stupid world. I'm not leaving a life that I dreamt of. I feel like I'm living for someone's happiness. Life has been so depressive lately. Just wanna run away to some where.

Children...They annoys me ... They drains my energy... Especially children who are so stubborn and crys for no reason.Stupid people .. I just hate it when they become so demanding and we have to do what they are asking ,for the sake for not making them cry. I hate it when I have to be a people pleasure around childrens . Hah...

Don't know why, Every wattpad authors are too busy... Every one is getting bigger having responsibilities and jobs...Wattpad is no more feels like wattpad... It takes months to get notification from authors ✨

Hey kid! 
          
          I just came to thank you for choosing my book and reading it through. Thank you for investing your time and patience to read it and I am grateful for this support that you have showered. I am happy because of you. 
          
          Maddie:-)❤️