love

today im happy too heheheh. may is my happy month ! you will always caught me smiling happily during may.
          
          actually today, i have acara 4x100 meter with my friends. at first, i was just a runner simpanan utk ganti if something happens to other player, and one of the runners have something happened and i am the one who will replaced her.
          
          TODAY I AM VERY ANXIOUS. im scared whether the runners will love being teammate with me. im not an athlete bro. i cant run that fast. but yeah. im scared that they will lose the game bcs of me. im scared of what the teacher will feel about me. haiyaaa im scared. at first i feel like the three of them dont want me to be in that acara. haih. i cried a little.
          
          i tell my other friend, apart from the closest one i have since they leave me alone; that im scared of running HAIYAAA THIS IS MY FIRST ACARA SUKAN IN THAT SC HOOL IN MY ** YEARS OF LIVING. AGHHHHH only Allah knows how i feel that time. 
          
          when my name was called for the acara, aku dah start badmood. overthinking things. haih. during the briefing, my ears wont listen to what the coach says. but one of the runner gave me motivation. tq so much.
          
          MASA DAH NAK LARI TU ALAMAKK. tiba ii  dia datang. dia duduk kat tepi track tu sambil cakap, "waffle, just run. just run. dont care what other people say."  TAPI AKU STILL ANXIOUS! "aku takot la. kalau dorg kalah sbb aku mcm mne?" "LAHH KAU LARI JELA. TAKDE APA NYA."
          
          i want to ruin the friendship with him right away. WHAT DO YOU MEAN????
          
          after the acra, all my teachers and friends congratulated me LAH DORG KATA AKU LARI LAJUU AHHAHAHAHAH lurve. im very happy after he gave me motivation though. I RAN WITH A SMILE!!! haih.
          
          after the acara too, after i met my mom and friends, my eyes were searching for him. AGHHHGHGH cane nak moveon kalau dia mcmtu? stres paleotak.

today i am veryyyyyyy happyyyyyyyy!!!! i want to mark this day.
          
          so im going to write it here. my safe place.
          
          so for past 2 weeks, my teacher told me that im going to handle teacher's day one of prefects' higher exco lol.
          so immm veryyyy packed and stressss. omo only fisha and my family know how stressed i am so that i can fully give my all today. persembahan, gimmicks, flow, emcee script. i need to handle all of that! imagineeee!!!
          
          and today actually got sukan day tooo after recess OH HOW TIRED I JUST WANT TO SLEEP ON THAT DAMN FIELD. but lol i didnt. anyway. everything go just as planned!!! IM VERY HAPPY. here, i want to say thank you for everyone that have helped me gone through all these. you guys are the best lol even though im kinda stress with you guys's behaviour but overall it's fine.
          
          the happiest part is that I OVERCOME MY FEAR AND CAN SPEAK PROPERLY AS THE SPONTANEOUS EMCEE AAHHHHHH IWANT TO SCREAM
          
          imagine talking in front of allll that students and teachers??? the way the teachers look at me impressed and proud?? i dont want to leave this school!!! i going to miss this moment huwaaaaa.
          
          i want to achieved 9A pls. its really hard in sc stream. to maintain all those As are not easy. im crashing myself out, bawling my eyes almost every day after chemistry class. screaming since i cant figure out the addmaths solving/. crying since i cant remmeber all those biology terms.
          
          i hope i can do well after this insya allah. nak belajar luar negara kan? AHAHAHAH okay thats all im signing out !!!

today is my bday lol and he ISHHIHIH wished.
          
          so i wat to jalan dkt tmpt tu, akd dia berdiri kt situ. ada kerusi tgh jln tu kerusi dia, and dia sedar aku n kawan aku nk lalu situ astu dia tlg tarikkan and say happy birthday lol AGHGHHGHGHGH SHIBBAL

aku galau sgt pls

i dont think i lke him anymore lol. mungkin dh tawa hati sbb biasa ii je tpi ku still suka pndg dia.
          
          ANYWAY IM REALLY HAPPY SINCE WE REALLY BOND WITH EACH OTHE RNOWW. I WILL LOVE 5ESTEE FOREVER MUACHMUACH

i blocked him everywhere on socmed.
          
          its been a month since then.
          
          he didnt even search for me.
          
          but this week, i recieved the same story from my classmate. he asked them about me
          
          "is waffle fasting today?"
          
          "why didnt waffle invite me to her house herself?"
          
          this is what i heard. is it true idk?

today is his bday and im fighting myself to not wish his bday as a move for me to start move on from this feelings.
          
          anyway, that doesnt stop me to wish it here. so 
          
          happy birthday. that's all. i hope you are always in pink and fight yourself for this year. achieved a good and better grade so you can graduate without any regrets. i hope you can payback everything your mum and dad had spent on you. at this point i just hope you try to be a better person for yourself. hardwork will never dissapoints.
          
          idk what else to say but by the end of the year, i moght not like you anymore so here i just want to confessed that i like you since 2021. all thirdwheel situations you had put me through is amazing. when i read through our old chat, i questioned myself, why did i let that happened lol. i always laught at the fact we fought for something very little for two months. imagine being a classmate, then you are very close then you foight and didnt talk for the whole 2 months. at the end i was the one apologized bcs i felt bad.
          
          it's crazy but it's true. i'd risk it all for you CEWAHHH TTBE BRUNOMARIKH
          
          anyway. yeah. i would be the one who clapped louder than anyone when it's your turn to stand on the stage and receive the awards for our graduatuon ceremony. i hope you knew that lol.

closing my february with no contact with him lo. i feel lik ive been fooled what the hell lol

he's been drifting away from me lately lol. not interested anymore ig?? WHAAAA WHY ARE WE JUST FRIENDS BRO??? idonthink were friend anymore recently...
          
          i think its time for me to mveon huwaaa it's a tiring year. ive been liking someone but yeah they didnt like me back after all those efforts.
          
          aku harap lepas aku tak suka dia dah, dia suka aku balik biar mampos kau gamon (aku rse xkan terjadi)
          
          happy fasting everyone !

and he decided to greet me today. the first thing he do this morning lol. i feel like he can read all my messages here lol. i hope not. right? its not like there were any secret admirers that admiring me from afar righttt