love

hi so today our class has been schocked with the news of our classmate's dad not here anymore. it really break my heart by imagine his reaction bcs no, he's a cheerful person ever ive ever met!! he's the gentleman that i need in my life. he is my best friend, he is my family!!
          
          knowing that we know it early than him oh, my heartt. i've never met his parents before, but i know he really loved his late father. my friend, a hardworking person. even though he likes to jokes somethin not unnecessary, but i can imagine my life without him in my class. we're eight, and eight are one. (there's only 8 students in my class including me).
          
          he live far away from us. far from the city. i think losing him is worst than losing my crush. we have the chemistry that i cant describe how precious it is for me. he is our youngest siblings!!!
          
          im sorry because ranting something that you guys wouldnt understand. i cannot express myself but im really sad. ignore those grammars bcs idc anymore.
          
          i hope he can regain his strength again and never give up on his life. i hope i will never lost his gentle, cheerful side. i hope i will never lose him.
          
          to my platonic crush, to my fav siblings, to my brother, to my family. i dont want to lose you. im very grateful to see you.

i have been crying for 4 hours. its not because im sad. but im happy.
          
          stray kids have gone so far. after they got their Daesanga ward at MAMA yesterday, isaw them cry and their speech flick my heart like i have been with them for so long already. 4 years is a no joke.
          
          i dont really remember why i stan this group, i dont know how i suddenly cling and hang onto this group. everytime someone ask me, "who's your boyfriend?" i woul say it's hyunjin from stray kids. LOLOLLLLL. and since then i feel like stray kids is my home.
          
          they healed me through tehir songs, skzcode, funny behavior. i know this is cringe but i am rarely shared my thoughts or problems with anyone. even my firnds. i often keep it to myself, talk about it alone in my room or confessed it here, on my wattpad account.
          
          i feel like wattpad is the one made me cling onto straykidss lolllll HAHAHAH ALL THOSE CRINGE STORY I HAVE READ THEM ALL (except bl bcs idontlike them) yeah. lol
          
          everyone who followed me bfore i stan skz know i am  big tokrev fans HAHAAHAH since the manga end, i've never watch any anime anymore. i guess lonely hits me and made me watch korean variety shows. lolll okay thats all i just want to share since im very happy.
          
          THANK YOU STRAY KIDS.

guys what did you guys do when your best friend just leave you out when they have new friend?? actually no she didnt like really leave me out. it just me feels like that since she jarang update, jarang chat and we only got to spend time during recess since were in diff class. therefore she stills like dont want to spend time with me.  like she leave recess really damn early with her new friend. huh i dont want to get mad at her new best friend since she is my friend too. idk what to say la maybe its time kot for us to be like this?? i should really get used to this mf shit.

hi okay so today was kinda great. i am really happy. 
          
          oka so first it was my first time for ubbm with formalities like a real one. (yes, i'm bocah). and i had a very great time with m friends. lagi ii masa berkumpulan. we all very kacip. just dont really express it properly lol. kacipness
          
          then, there's chinese students from other schools come to our school for mandarin seminar. those boys wow really goodlooking, handsome, perfect. i cant describe it in words. very ethereal.
          
          then he tegur me lol. again. ISHHH do you guys know??? its very pity that he walks to school since his mom is a midschool teacher and just dropped him somewhere and let him walks to school. so thats his problem la not mine. 
          ok then, i came to schhol early this week bcs i was on duty for pengawas la kan. so i didnt expect to found him at the side of the road lol. we make eye contact it was funny.( for me la). then i got out from car and i thought my father already gone to dropped my lil bro but he stayed for a minute just bcs he wants to talk to him lol. kau tahu tak dhlh suara dia kuat like th whole school can hear my father  talking with him even though its still early.
          
          and i think he got jealous idk. he came to my class and look for me (igg????) then he ask me about those chinese boys. i told him they were very handsome as hellll.and guess what he said?? "suka la kau cina tak mandi tu. yg mandi kau xnk pulak" LOLLLLLL spe kata cina tak mandi. cina mandi la. the disrespect hurm. i love chinese dont worry. not racist at all. patriotisme is important. (im sincere.)

ok so again. why was i so stupid to like him???
          
          tiring though. it's a tiring year. for me. so many misunderstandings. while im here just wanted to be love by someone i like. is it that hard? im trying to ignore everything. every signs of you hating me. every signs where you got sick of seeing my face. every ick you get when you look at me.
          
          i miss our conversations. why dont you try to reach me first?? you acting like a child now. as if youre blaming everything on me. 
          
          i want to know your feelings towards me too.  why did you look at me like that? why did you got mad when they said my name? ITS TIRINGGGGGG. i feel like i want to cry. i look okay but deep down idk how to explain.
          
          confessing? no. it's a big no. for me. i dont want to be in any rlationship. A=RASA NAK GILA.
          
          after that, to that childish boy from next class. i hate you so mush. am i that ugly? cant you talk to me nicely? i was joking that time why did you take it too seriously? why my teeth? out of all things? i just want to shout at your face, and tendang telor kau cause what is this behaviour??
          
          
          and to those iswell go die already la. taking other's people things and need, aftr that baut video bodoh. bljr x habis ek? tu la lain kali nak jajah org tu kan, pastikan bljr dlu. tentera ii ni semua x reti membaca. x malu ke? ew. disgusting shit.

@wxfflyz hey hello! 
          Would you like to participate in the 1B God's Menu project?
          We essentially want to bring the song God's Menu to one million views on the MV.
          If you want to participate you will find everything explained on my profile in the story 1B God's menu!

hello waffles are u ok ToT

ok so none of my irl friends can access this acc so this is where i want to confess and jerit and nak luah lah siall.
          
          to nfn, YA ALLAH WEH AKU STRES LA DGN KAU NI. aku igtkan kau boleh paham aku. tpi lepas kau dpt member bru ni aku tgk kau lebih memikirkan perasaan dia berbanding perasaan aku lololll. aku jeles la ya allah. ckp jela aku x matang but everytime kan aku i thought you are the person that can listen ti all my bla ii and i can be your listener but at the same time you prefer to tell someone else about that and that person you just met this year?? bro??? i known you for like 7 years wtf?
          
          to ns, i dont hate you but as time goes on you actually make me hate you a little but overall its okay. just dont take my friend away from me? idk what to say to you la.
          
          to na, astaghfirullah kau sama je mcm yg atas tu apa ni? korg gnakan aku aku? kau igt aku apa? plastik ke?
          
          to nh, kau igt kau sorg jeke ada masalah? habis yg lain ni xde masalah ke sialll.
          
          to ms, tq but boleh tak jgn buat aku sakit hati dgn kata ii kasar kau tu? terima kasih.
          
          to mrr, ya allah aku suka kau la. buta ke? kalau aku x suka kau aku x bagila duit aku cmtu utk kepentingan kau and lupakan kepentingan aku. boleh tak bagi effort yg sme jugak?
          
          to all those haters, eh fuck off la cibaiiiii yg kau nk benci lebih ii apahal. acik kau mati ke kalau aku dpt mcm ii? kalau aku acah? so? eh cibai la korg eh dah;ah knp semua nak buat serabut hidup aku ni eh la semua nk letak harapan tinggi kat aku dan skrg bend atu buat aku takot apa org fikir pasal aku tau eh sialla.
          
          g mampos semua kenapa korg mcmni?
          
          knp xde sorg pun kisah kalau aku duk sorg ii? why? just why?

sedih bila org buat gitu kat kita. tapi nnti alasan dia, "kau tu yg start dulu"

is it crazy to fall in love with your boybf who always argue with me from our very first meet