xTheWritersDenx
「 ✦ Good evening! ✦ 」
· · ─── ꒰ "I'm lazy today." ﹒ꕀ
So...it's been a while....
Hehehehehehehhehehehehe-
Sorry, not sorry, LOL.
I've just been pretty busy with adulting it's nothing exciting.
Though I do have a story time! Kinda-
I went to Bass Pro shop today with my boyfriend. When he and I go out it's been our norm or my norm to gear up. But the Bass Pro shop is like THE shop Therians go to for.......
DOUGLAS TOYS!
Well other things too, but the stuffed animals are the go to because of the ESSA community.
Now before you come after me, no I didn't just get a Douglas because I think only Douglas toys should be for ESSA's, that's totally incorrect. I personally think any type of stuffed animal can be an ESSA it shouldn't have to be just Douglas toys because they are expensive and not everyone can own one depending where your trying to get/buy one.
I didn't get the one I really wanted, they don't sell the wolf Douglas, so I got the next best one that mostly looks like a wolf and that's the Husky.
I named him Stone. Stone the wolf-dog husky. Yes I am making him part wolf, part dog. All my husky's that I have I make them out to be part wolf, part dog. I do have a lot more husky looking dogs than wolves because sometimes they are labeled to be both. But if they are labeled as a husky, I make them part wolf, part dog.
Although I am sad I didn't get the wolf one, I am pretty happy and excited about getting and having Stone. He's so freaking cute, and he's actually pretty big. I mean I seen a lot of people having Douglas toys on YouTube and I actually thought that they just zoomed in or had the camera close to their ESSA's, but when actually looking at the toys I kept thinking to myself they were pretty big and decently sized stuffed animals.
xTheWritersDenx
I protested at first, but then agreed, but I chickened out and couldn't do it. I couldn't get myself to just step on the step. He ended up going down without me, literally walked all the way around just to get to the one that goes up to come back to get me. Then I said I was just taking the stairs and he grabbed my paw and started to guide me to the escalator, but I was pulling away and he kept trying to reassure me it isn't that bad and kept trying to drag me back over to it.
I explained it's not the stairs themselves it's the motion that they are doing and the act of timing it just right or you could literally fall down them while it's also moving. And he asked how are other stairs any different and I said, BECAUSE THEY DON'T MOVE.
Luck duh? LOL.
It's okay. I may never get over this fear and my boyfriend wasn't letting it go which is fine. That's a trauma that doesn't hit for me if someone makes fun of me for it because even I will laugh along and see the 'funny' side of it.
That's fine. But if you like try and pick me up without permission or anything like that where I don't have a warning or wasn't asked permission, that's a whole different story and I will not be laughing, I will be screaming to put me down immediately because I will go in panic mode and when that happens I have a very limited amount of time before I pass out and I will be desperately trying to not get to that point.
I've never passed out before, but I have come very close to it happening to me before and it was NOT fun. I had to literally move away from the side rail, stand in the middle of the platform/sit down occasionally to try and calm myself down.
So yeah- Heights and me are not friends because of having that fear I may end up falling.
Other than that me and my boyfriend had a pretty good day together. Oh! I also got complimented on my gear again! That made me feel really good! ^^
೯⠀⁺ ᵒᵏᵃʸ...ᵇʸʸʸᵉᵉᵉᵉ !!!
xTheWritersDenx
Unfortunately Stone may or may not be my ESSA, I actually have a ESSA coming to carry around or I may switch between the two I'm not sure yet.
Yes I do plan to have an official ESSA that I will be literally carrying around with me/hooked onto my person. No I don't plan to do skits or anything with any of my ESSA's only because I do find that childish and not my calling. I just want to carry a stuffed animal with me, but I don't plan to like play with it or roleplay with it or anything like that. You may even see my ESSA in my videos sometimes as a background prop or sitting in my lap as my "pup" and whatnot, but no actual videos of me playing with the toy is going to be a thing, sorry.
But anyway, so I got a Douglas toy, but that's not the best part. At the Bass Pro shop they have escalators, and I have trauma due to having a very bad fall in my childhood and I can't look down at high places or go on things that move while at a high point.
My boyfriend didn't know this about me until I pointed it out and told as to how I got this fear of falling and how I can't go on escalators for that very reason, and he tried to get me to go on the one that goes down. Going up is fine, I can do that, it's the going down one I can't do.
I literally start getting lightheaded/dizzy and I will pass out if I don't get out of the area.
I mean even thinking about it was giving me anxiety, but he told me he was going to be right there and he'll hold my hand and we'll go down together.
