Charisma Phantomhive

Guys, I need help fr. I found this boy and I really like him. Thing is, though,,,, I dont know him, but I'd really like to. The moment I saw him Istg my face went so warm and my chest literally started hurting from my heart beating. And everytime I think about speaking to him, my throat feels super tight or my mouth goes dry and--- Point is that I really like him and I dont know how to tell him at all.     T^T 

Hey, yall. Some good news, Imma start college soon! I've applied for the nursing program and marine biology, so I'm just doing some last second file things and then I'm all set. I do, however, need to get my drivers license, so I'll probably start in January. 

I hope you dont mind me following you for your reading lists - they rival my own!!
          
          

Im crying at fuckin midnight bc I just realized I'll never get to go to prom bc I just graduated and I didnt go bc I never got asked and I had no friends to go with and even if anyone would have asked I probably wouldve said no bc my anxiety just shapes my day to day life now and I just wanna cry bc what if this is the rest of my life and I'll never find a person who'll love me enough to push me a little past my boundaries and invite me to go even if they know I probably wont and Im only 18 so I know thats not true but how can I ever find someone to love me if I constantly push people who show me affection away because Im scared they'll abuse that power like those before them 

Not me reading Harry Potter x Draco Malfoy fanfiction while waiting for the Secrets of Dumbledore movie to start :D

So yesterday my mom came home from the hospital and I was stressed bc I had to take care of everything. This morning, I have been woken up by being told that my 18 y/o brother and my 7 y/o sister were in a car accident. They're both okay, but wth. That scared me half to death. 

The song Requiem from DEH is legit me, my mom, and my brother singing to my oldest brother. He just moved back in with us and he's already fighting with everyone. He left to begin with,so Idk why he came back. And don't get me wrong, I love him to an extent, but Im not too keen on living with someone who tells me to kill myself, makes rape jokes, calls the LGBTQ+ community slurs, is a racist, and sees women as objects. He's also threatened to out me multiple times to my homophobic grandparents [but that's not new bc my mom does the same thing]

So I just had a panic attack in my school's nurse office and these ppl don't know what a panic attack is or what it looks like or how to help, so they thought it was Covid related and put me in a small room which escalated my attack. Im already tired bc of one I had earlier today and now this? It's too much. They even cut me off when I tried to explain that it was a panic attack that I had earlier today and since then I've been trembling/hyperventilating. 

Omw to get a new phone for the first time since I got mine in elementary school. Kinda sad tho bc I just got a new popsocket for this one 
          Oh well :D

I love when my OCD decides to ruin my day. Happy Halloween, peeps.