I read it, and you know what? There is no poem that is better than another, only different. Different people have different writing styles and each writer harbors different styles within them. How the piece comes out depends on mood, level of distraction, topic, etc. I don't think you could ever write a "bad" poem. Certain people just have an ear for writing, there are people that couldn't write a poem to save their lives. We are not one of them.