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so yea im here again

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can't help but to break down when my own dad refrains me from laughing. he literally said that I could get crazy if I laugh like that everyday. the most ridiculous thing is, I laugh like that everyday. that's my natural laugh. does he mean that I shouldn't laugh like that and laugh fakely instead? hell no. i just don't fucking understand why. why tf he restricts me from being happy. 

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I really don't know where to let these out anymore so I just put it here. My bestie is there ready to hear me out but I just don't wanna trouble her with my stupid feelings anymore. 
          
          I feel so fucked up. Like. First I got so happy but those happiness feels fake yk. I don't even know what brings me happiness anymore.