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! Me!
          
          -Anyone?
          
          -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
          
          {Sighs}
          
          -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. 
          
          Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy 
          
          Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came 
          
          from!
          
          {Cheering}
          
          {Twittering}
          
          -Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
          
          - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two 
          
          stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
          
          -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.
          
          -Hey. Oh, oh!
          
          -I can't wait to get on the road again.
          
          -What did I say about singing?
          
          -Can I whistle?
          
          -No.
          
          -Can I hum it?
          
          -All right, hum it.
          
          {Humming}
          
          
          
          {Grunts}
          
          {Whimpering}
          
          -That's enough. He's ready to talk.
          
          {Coughing}
          
          {Laughing}
          
          {Clears throat}
          
          -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the 
          
          gingerbread man!
          
          -You are a monster.
          
          -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy 
          
          tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the 
          
          others?
          
          -Eat me!{Grunts}
          
          -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached 
          
          its end! Tell me or I'll - -
          
          -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
          
          -All right then. Who's hiding them?
          
          -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
          
          -The muffin man?
          
          -The muffin man.
          
          -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
          
          -Well, she's married to the muffin man.
          
          -The muffin man?
          
          -The muffin man!
          
          -She's married to the muffin man.
          
          {Door opens}
          
          -My lord! We found it.
          
          -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
          
          {Man grunting}

          -Nope.
          
          -Really?
          
          -Really, really.
          
          -Oh.
          
          -Man, I like you. What's you name?
          
          -Uh, Shrek.
          
          -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
          
          You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.
          
          I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. 
          
          Who'd want to live in place like that?
          
          -That would be my home.
          
          -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a 
          
          decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I 
          
          like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
          
          -I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
          
          -I like my privacy.
          
          -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I 
          
          hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them 
          
          a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
          
          -Can I stay with you?
          
          -Uh, what?
          
          -Can I stay with you, please?
          
          -Of course!
          
          -Really?
          
          -No.
          
          -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to 
          
          be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta 
          
          stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
          
          -Okay! Okay! But one night only.
          
          -Ah! Thank you!
          
          -What are you - - No! No!
          
          -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 
          
          and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
          
          -Oh!
          
          -Where do, uh, I sleep?
          
          -Outside!
          
          -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you 
          
          don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.
          
          {Sniffles}
          
          -Here I go.
          
          -Good night.
          
          {Sighs}
          
          -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 
          
          I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, 
          
          outside.

          -You there. Orge!
          
          -Aye?
          
          -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under 
          
          arrest
          
          and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.
          
          -Oh, really? You and what army?
          
          {Gasps, Whimpering}
          
          {Chuckles}
          
          -Can I say something to you?
          
          -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. 
          
          Incredible!
          
          Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!
          
          -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great 
          
          back here? Those guards!
          
          They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They 
          
          was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made 
          
          me feel good to see that.
          
          -Oh, that's great. Really.
          
          -Man, it's good to be free.
          
          -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? 
          
          Hmm?
          
          -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by 
          
          myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 
          
          You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit 
          
          out of anybody that crosses us.
          
          {Roaring}
          
          -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that 
          
          don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you 
          
          definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!
          
          You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - 
          
          {Mumbling}
          
          Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my 
          
          butt that day.
          
          -Why are you following me?
          
          -I'll tell you why. 
          
          
          
          'Cause I'm all alone
          
          There's no one here beside me
          
          My promlems have all gone
          
          There's no one to deride me
          
          But you gotta heve friends - - 
          
          
          
          -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
          
          -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
          
          -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
          
          -Uh - - Really tall?
          
          -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't 
          
          that bother you?
          
          -Nope.

          -Twenty pieces.
          
          {Thudding}
          
          -Sit down there!
          
          -Keep quiet!
          
          {Crying}
          
          -This cage is too small.
          
          -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
          
          I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
          
          -Oh, shut up.
          
          -Oh!
          
          -Next!
          
          -What have you got?
          
          -This little wooden puppet.
          
          -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
          
          -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
          
          -Father, please! Don't let them do this!
          
          -Help me!
          
          -Next! What have you got?
          
          -Well, I've got a talking donkey.
          
          {Grunts}
          
          -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
          
          -Oh, go ahead, little fella.
          
          -Well?
          
          -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.
          
          He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -
          
          -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
          
          -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
          
          I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
          
          -Get her out of my sight.
          
          -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
          
          {Gasps}
          
          -Hey! I can fly!
          
          -He can fly!
          
          -He can fly!
          
          -He can talk!
          
          -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
          
          You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
          
          but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
          
          Oh-oh.
          
          {Grunts}
          
          -Seize him!
          
          -After him! He's getting away!
          
          {Grunts, Gasps}
          
          {Man}
          
          -Get him! This way! Turn!
          
          -You there. Orge!
          

          {Shouting}
          
          Get your game on, go play
          
          Hey, now You're a rock star
          
          Get the show on, get paid
          
          And all that glitters is gold
          
          Only shootin' stars break the mold
          
          {Belches}
          
          Go!
          
          Go!
          
          {Record Scratching}
          
          Go. Go.Go.
          
          Hey, now, you're an all-star
          
          Get your game on, go play
          
          Hey, now You're a rock star
          
          Get the show on, get paid
          
          And all that glitters is gold
          
          Only shootin' stars break the mold
          
          
          
          -Think it's in there?
          
          -All right. Let's get it!
          
          -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
          
          -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
          
          {Laughs}
          
          -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
          
          Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
          
          They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
          
          -No!
          
          -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
          
          Actually, it's quite good on toast.
          
          -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
          
          {Gasping}
          
          -Right.
          
          {Roaring}
          
          {Shouting}
          
          {Roaring}
          
          {Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
          
          {Gasping}
          
          {Laughs}
          
          {Laughing} And stay out!
          
          "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
          
          {Sighs}
          
          {Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
          
          -Take it away!
          
          {Gasps}
          
          -Move it along. Come on! Get up!
          
          -Next!
          
          -Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
          
          That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
          
          -Get up! Come on!

Shrek Script
          
          
           {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
          
          But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only 
          
          be broken by love's first kiss.
          
          She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing 
          
          dragon.
          
          Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 
          
          but non prevailed.
          
          She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest 
          
          tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.
          
          {Laughing} 
          
          Like that's ever gonna happen.
          
          {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}
          
          What a load of - 
          
          
          
          Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
          
          I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
          
          She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
          
          In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
          
          The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
          
          Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'
          
          Didn't make sense not to live for fun
          
          Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
          
          So much to do so much to see
          
          So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
          
          You'll never know if you don't go
          
          You'll never shine if you don't glow
          
          Hey, now You're an all-star
          
          Get your game on, go play
          
          Hey, now You're a rock star
          
          Get the show on, get paid
          
          And all that glitters is gold
          
          Only shootin' stars break the mold
          
          It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
          
          You're bundled up now but wait till you get older
          
          But the meteor men beg to differ
          
          Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
          
          The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
          
          The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
          
          My world's on fire
          
          How 'bout yours
          
          That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
          
          Hey, now, you're an all-star