@ANutUnderSHAme okay so after reading your latest story, my thoughts would be that, as always, your hard work was clearly shown through this story and I will always be obliged to read more. But, I feel as though the story is a bit too fast pace. You do good with including the character's thoughts, and in fact, they are very alive. Although, you should consider adding more sensory detail and I believe that would knock your writing right out of the ball park. It's a great start, and you show a lot of potential to do something great with your stories.