ya11dontknowme

hi ik you're probably still on break but i just wanted to tell you ily :> ♡

Omg I thought I posted that I was logging out for a bit and now I'm back I only just realised it didn't post  I'm so dumb 
          Anyway I'm back and hopefully will update soon ❤

Tw: eating disorder, self harm
          
          
          
          
          So yh I'm crying cos my best friend doesn't eat much and keeps trying to convince me that she over eats and it's upsetting me but then on TikTok people have started talking about ed and trying to convince the viewers to eat more and I over eat so yh it's getting rlly hard for me to not eat too much. 
          
          She sent me like 5 of those tiktoks today and I started crying as soon as I watched them cos I literally NEED to eat but I've gone like 11 hours without over eating (dw I did eat a sandwich for lunch and tortellini for dinner) but I REALLY  wanna go get something to eat. 
          
          But yh no one cares but still she keeps asking why I'm not replying then I told her I'm crying but she doesn't understand 
          
          She keeps asking me to explain and I appreciate that she cares but idk how to explain. 
          
          Also earlier I may have accidentally made her start starving herself by showing her the app (I am sober) and then she downloaded it and is timing how long she can go without food but she still thinks she over eats and idk what to do 
          
          
          Also is it bad that I'm considering hurting myself? 
          
          Yh bye ima go cry some more cos no ones gonna read this ✌️

Ik that no one will see this but that's not ur fault. I just need to write this all somewhere. 
          
          Recently I haven't been able to sleep. I have started going to bed at around 9 so that if I don't sleep, at least I'm in bed reading or something. I always write in my diary then try to sleep but I literally can't anymore then when I do sleep, I always wake up less than an hour later. Then I never get back to sleep again. 
          
          Also ik many people who don't eat/don't eat enough but I'm the complete opposite. I eat WAY  too much but I can't help it. Every time I see food, I wanna eat it and most times I do end up eating it. I have always been super skinny and to most people that sounds like a good thing but I hate it. People are always like "why are u so skinny?? U should eat more" but I eat so much everyday non stop but I just never put on weight cos I do a lot of exercise. But they say that then I feel like I should eat more. 
          
          Here's what I ate today : 
          Breakfast: 
          2 slices of toast 
          Hot cross bun
          Bowl of cereal
          Orange juice 
          Water
          Lunch: 
          Jumbo battered sausage 
          Large portion of chips
          My friends left over chips (about half a large portion) 
          2 cans of fanta (multi fruit flavor idk) 
          Snacks: 
          2 Brioche 
          3 rich tea biscuits (I think that's what they're called) 
          Water
          2 Oatmeal biscuits 
          
          And it's just gone 3 o'clock.
          Then for dinner my mum is making chicken curry and a cake. After dinner I usually have a chocolate bar too. 
          
          Yet I'm still thin as a pin. 
          
          Ugh there's something wrong with me 
          
          When I see food I HAVE to eat it. U don't even know how hard it is to say no. Literally. 
          
          My dad keeps calling me fat and pinching my side then laughing but it's not funny. He doesn't even know how sad I am all the time cos I can mask it pretty well that no one (that I'm aware of) knows any of this. 
          
          There's way more I need to talk about but I'll say tomorrow so I don't annoy u.