Hi! You asked me to read your story a couple of weeks ago and I've been so caught up with school that I haven't been able to get to it until now! I love the plot but, please don't get mad at me, I have a few creative suggestions. First off, put your story on the map by creating a summary, with your title, no one has any idea it's a PJO fanfic. Even if its not totally accurate, just give us a good little slice of what we could read in your book. Also, try to stay away from the dreaded parentheses. They are evil and are only to be used in the most dire of times. Instead of saying Poseidon(god of the sea), say Poseidon, god of the sea - it just makes the book seem less stoppy/starty. Another way to avoid those parentheses is to use background information and lead into things, when you read, you don't want all the information at once, but more gradually. i.e. Annabeth (daughter of Athena) Athena (goddess of wisdom) VS Percy approached a blond girl about his height studying a map intensely, "Annabeth?" She looked up at him, startled; she hadn't even realized he had walked up to her. It didn't surprise him; she was always studying, she blamed it on her mother, Athena, the goddess of wisdom, but Percy suspected she used it as a way to escape the craziness of her life as a demigod. <---- Not only does it take up more space and create an image in your mind, but this makes the characters more human and real. ................... I hope this helped you some and you're not offended by my input. Bear in mind I'm not trying to tell you has to write you story, I'm just suggesting things that I think will help. Please feel free to ask me for any more help or tell me I know nothing about writing. I'm as open to suggestion as I am to suggesting!!!
-donnimo412
