✨syc's safe space✨

so i was sorta "testing myself" on what level of moving on im at, so i went to my ex's tumblr profile and i actually felt nothing! (ngl i wanted an excuse to get away from my homework lmao; although i should probably stop purposely kinda triggering myself and messing with my emotional state just because i got bored) Just tiny flickers of annoyance, and that's it. 
          
          Plus after I sent him the "you being visibly annoyed by me is hilarious lmao" in his asks, that whole dramatic ass "lEaVe mE aLoNe" post got deleted lmaaaooo. god sometimes i love getting under people's skin when they deserve it
          
          anyway, on another note, if i know you irl and you sent me a few texts, im so sorry, college is already piling work-

it's really strange. all of a sudden, im just pretty sad

can my ex just like, not talk about me for once second. what, you expect me not to clap back after making some asshole post about me? jesus.

Ugh. I don't even know WHY writing is so difficult for me right now. I have the chapter planned out and I know what I need to do right after, it's just so weird. It's like there are heavy boulders attached to my hands; I can't even lift them to type.
          
          This is a REALLY bad time for burnout. This is, like, the first ever big project of my career as a creator, and it's pretty much about me and my emotional trauma. I can't afford to slow down when I need to keep my audience captivated. And I can't DO THAT if I'm just stuck STARING AT A SCREEN. 
          
          Sheesh. I wish I didn't keep thinking about him so much that it's bringing me down.  I still feel like I haven't even said everything I needed to say to him. And I hate thinking about it so much that I get distracted fROM WHAT I ACTUALLY WANNA DO.