yellow-howell

Let’s hope for the best, right? *laughs nervously*

yellow-howell

this message may be offensive 
I just reached the end of the amazing book is not on fire which I’ve been reading for about 6 months now because I really didn’t want to reach the end. I just reached it and I felt like crying cuz the last page made me so emotional and I just stopped to consider how fucking important Dan and Phil are to me. I am typing this right now, I am alive right now because of them. There is really no other fucking reason. Without them I would’ve committed suicide long ago. I must admit I’m no where near okay. But each day is a new opportunity. I haven’t attempted suicide recently, today I replaced cutting for one of Dan’s videos, maybe there was another way to feel a bit better. They have had the ability to make me smile and laugh even when I feel all that has been erased from my soul, wiped away. When I stood in the edge of a balcony, I thought ‘no one loves me, hell I don’t even think anyone will care’ but then I thought. Would they be disappointed in me? For not trying? If they knew what I’m about to do what would they say? I stepped down. It is sad that it is not my family that moved my heart sort of. That was the last time I attempted suicide. Then I bought tickets for Interactive Introverts and the show will be exactly on my birthday, that means I’ve been postponing the day I kill myself. And I’ve postponed it long enough to realize there is more to life.So if they ever reach the depths of internet and Wattpad and they land here for some fucking unknown reason of the universe. Thank Dan and Phil. You will never have the tiniest clue of how much you’ve helped me.