zaa ☾

this time, i raise my white flag. i surrender. i give up. i am too precious to be sad and crying over a boy who doesn’t know if he really wants me. 

fuck it. fuck love. fuck my life. 

im not ready yet to leave my home. brb crying.

God, it’s me again. Oh, to have Ethaniel Vanjiro in my life.

going to my dream university is still a dream to me. a little bit of disappointment, but life must go on. 

oh, listening to niki’s songs while it’s raining is the best feeling ever.

fuck life. fuck my life.

I don’t know what to say anymore. I feel so disappointed with myself. I lost motivation on the previous sem…but I still try my best to keep it. I forced myself to keep motivated for this sem but that’s what I got? For all of the efforts that I’ve put in for everything? I am so speechless. People don’t know how much I was struggling with myself so that I can get better results than the previous sem…but that’s it? That’s the outcome that I get for this sem? I feel like I deserve to have better grades for this sem because I know how much efforts I’ve put for every subjects, for assignments and studying…slept only for 1 hour and woke up to study just to get the result that I don’t wished for????? How come my life is so unfair??? How unfair it can be???? I don’t feel satisfied with everything….these kind of things just makes it worst….these kind of things will only make me feel demotivated to get better result in the future…that’s it. I’m done.

damn…now i feel im falling apart…my insecurities came back….im not good at anything…i tried my best but life is just so unfair.

i am not strong enough to watch any videos of IU’s concert today because end up i will cry like a baby thinking that i cannot go to IU’s concert this year later ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ