lanclans
could something like this be considered real life ? it was only meant to be a business trip for his brother’s company, not.. whatever coping mechanism his mind has decided to pump out in the form of a hallucination he is seeing right now. this shouldn’t be happening. lan zhan has struggled enough with the guilt. the devastation. the hole that has never once shrunken over these thirteen long years. therapy did not help. the space would only make him tense and feel the unease of anxiety weaving its way under his pale jade skin. swallowing, he has finally realised his mistake. he’s already grabbed at the figure’s arm. " wei ying— "
lanclans
@yilaozus svelte jade fingers so visibly twitch in the hold, and perhaps it’s because they recognise the feel, the warmth. or, it could be due to the lack of touch lan zhan has had for the past thirteen years. he’s tried. but has never.. been successful sleeping with another. it all felt wrong. so entirely wrong that it began to make him feel disgusted. to touch another that wasn’t his own felt sickening. perhaps he is a little starved for connection. the squeeze is requited. “ a different name ? this was your ..home. ”
yilaozus
@lanclans, and there's a moment where he clearly hesitates before taking lan zhan's hand off of his arm, holding it in his own. there's a momentary squeeze given, and wei ying isn't even sure who he's trying to calm down more. himself, or the man he spent years with. a man he has a /family/ with. " .. under a different name, but i've been here the entire time. @
lanclans
@yilaozus it’s difficult to breathe with all these rushing thoughts, the crowded place and just.. wei ying, but lan zhan gives a nod. he can too easily hear what’s going on around them, it’s distracting his mind, and it’s not delivering a great result for his current state of mind. “ you ..live here, wei ying ? i did not think ..— ” sealing his lips, the words refuse to leave. but how can he not think them ? how was he not to know that his late boyfriend was living ? breathing.
