ynintrov

Another failed exam :')

ynintrov

I am out of people to talk with. Everyone just wants me to be positive. I too want that. But my situations sometimes takes me to this land of despair where I can't stop this voices anymore. But of course if I talk about it,I'm complaining and seeking attention when in reality I just want someone to hear me out and not give false hopes and advices. I need to see a therapist so bad. I've been struggling for 20 years,yes,ever since I was born,I've been struggling. How do I even saturate my mind? I cry as less as possible. I try to forget too. But it's just not bearable anymore. I had one freaking task,to remember the informations,then why am I faltering? Why even in English I'm being totally crappy?

ynintrov

@pikkape thank you for reaching out to me,I really needed that :')
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pikkape

<3 honestly I'm not good at being reassuring but I just wanna say trust your efforts..sometimes life just feels so unfair when you haven't even done anything to deserve it but everything is temporary. It will pass, yes you should think positive because many times it's all in the head but you don't have to force yourself to forget all the negative feelings inside you and pretend you're not hurting
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pikkape

@ynintrov if you want to talk about it..im here to listen buddy
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ynintrov

I'm so tired. I just want to end this misery,I just want to stop feeling miserable. I gv up on everything just to get into medical school. Friends,love,music, myself, everything. But why isn't my numbers going up? I just need a damn 75-80/100,why does it seem so hard? Why am I still faltering,I literally hv one month left and I see no ways of succeeding at this point. I hate my parents so much. My mom is just being bipolar as usual, expecting and at the same time mocking my intelligence. Everytime she talks about the topper and their parents,I feel like k!lling myself. My dad just doesn't care about my existence. He wants to help my cousins,he dismisses my cousin's wrongful act, rude behaviors. He is always there for them. He is always helping them. I don't t even crave affection anymore. I lost it in me. All I want is to become a doctor and live a life alone. I just want to live independently,I just want to stop feeling guilty. While my cousins are always doing stupid stuffs me even flirting w a guy once in a year online makes me feel terrible. I'm tired of living in guilt. I just want to be free. I just want to get in a public med college so the expanse wouldn't make me feel guilty as it's public,I want to be a doc so bad,I'm desperate. I can't see myself being anything else. It's not so hard to take the entrance then why am I faltering? Why am I forgetting? I'm so tired. Can it ever end please. I want to leave this prison of a house so bad,I just want to live for once. Please. I'm not even hoping for a easy way. I'm just hoping to be stable for once. I just want my life to be mine for once.

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