Hi guys. I know this isn't really your problem, and I don't expect any replies or attention to this post. I just feel like putting this somewhere, because knowing that someone out there might understand how I feel is comforting to me.
It's so draining wanting to work hard and do your best when your circumstances constantly make it difficult. Between my physical health and the thoughts I'm constantly stuck with, I feel like everything is working against me. I can never seem to study in silence, yet I'm still expected to get straight A's and somehow find the time and energy to keep going.
I'm literally writing Physics and Biology tomorrow while knowing almost nothing, and it's terrifying because this means so much to me. Becoming a doctor is my dream, and I'm scared that getting bad marks will put that dream further out of reach.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling just to survive financially. I want a different life for myself so badly, and sometimes the pressure gets so overwhelming that I don't know how I’m supposed to keep carrying it.
I also don't want my family to see how badly I’m actually doing mentally. They've already helped me through so much, and I'm scared of seeing the disappointment on their faces if they realize that I'm still struggling and that I'm not as okay as they think I am. I don't want them to feel like everything they'e done for me hasn't been enough, because it has. I'm just tired of feeling like I should be better by now.
Anyway, this sucks, and I'm sorry for dumping all of this here. I just needed somewhere to put how I'm feeling.
Update coming at the end of this month.
See you there💗
