khloe

sevgi ve ilgi kısmına geri döndüğümüzdeyse ben hala açım. yedikçe doymayan ve daha da acıkan bir konumdayım. çünkü ne arkadaşlıklarım ne de ilişkilerim düzgün gidiyordu. hayatım boyunca ezik, dalga geçilen ve sözlü zorbalığa maruz kalan birinin; parlamaya, sevgiye, ilgiye, yargılanmamaya ve biraz olsun fark edilmeye ihtiyacının olması bana normal geliyor. ben bunlara rağmen ortalıkta kimseyi bile isteye kırmıyorsam, ilgi çekmek için saçma sapan şeyler yapmıyorsam, zorbalamıyorsam, zorda olan kötü hisseden herkese destek olmaya çalışıyorsam ve tek kötü yanım ihtiyacım olan şeyleri aramaksa bırakın da biraz ben kötü olayım. zararlı olduğunu biliyorum ve bu konu hakkında da kendimi iyileştirmeye çalışıyorum zaten. yıkık dökük bir binanın döküntülerini toplaması ve yeniden inşa edilmesi uzun zaman alır. o yüzden lütfen beni böyle yargılamadan önce sebeplerimi göz önünde tutun.
          
          
          substackte yazdigim bir yazidan alinti bu

Mental olarak cok degisik ve kotu hissettigim icin gidip kendime sarildim ve omzumu, saclarimi oksadim cunku beni benden baskasi sevmez boyle

Minik bir anımı yazmak istiyorum. Birkaç ay önce bizimle aynı bölümü okuyan Alman sosyal hizmet öğrencileri geldi ve biz bir hafta boyunca onlarla bir sürü etkinlik yapıp şehri gezdirdik. O KADAR EĞLENCELİYDİ Kİ İLK DEFA ÜNİVERSİTELİ OLMAK BÖYLE BİR ŞEYMİŞ FARKINDALIĞI YAŞADIM??? Ortak dilimiz ingilizceydi ve konuşurken yetemediğimiz yerde jest ve mimiklerimiz devreye giriyordu çok iyiydi ewğwmwösöwlsö

Beş, altı
          Beş, altı, yedi, sekiz
          
          
          "O" olabilirim yada yeni bağımlılığın
          Hepsi kafamda ama ben kurgu istemiyorum
          Dünyayı değil sadece bu şehri istiyorum
          Kim bir kızı suçlayabilir? Bana seksi de, güzel değil
          
          Bebeğim, ritmi beğendin mi?
          Benimle dans edesin diye yaptım
          Sanki yüz doksan dokuz derece
          Benimle yapıyorken, yapıyorken
          
          
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Şıklat ve çırp ve ayak parmaklarına dokun
          Eller havaya ve şimdi yuvarlan
          Dans et, götürülmeye hazırsın
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Şıklat ve çırp ve ayak parmaklarına dokun
          Eller havaya ve şimdi yuvarlan
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          
          
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin
          
          
          Eh, tek başıma tavana bakarak uyanırım
          Umursamamaya çalışırım ama duygularım inciniyor
          Seyretmek zorunda değilsin, buraya gel, işe koyul
          Kahrolası kısa bir süre orada dokunulmadım
          [Refrain]
          Ve bebeğim, bu ritmi sevmiyor musun?
          Benimle yatasın diye yaptım
          Sanki yüz doksan dokuz derece
          Benimle yapıyorken, yapıyorken
          
          
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Şıklat ve çırp ve ayak parmaklarına dokun
          Eller havaya ve şimdi yuvarlan
          Dans et, götürülmeye hazırsın
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Şıklat ve çırp ve ayak parmaklarına dokun
          Eller havaya ve şimdi yuvarlan
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          
          
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin
          
          
          Numaranı almak için ne gerek?
          Seni eve atmak için ne gerek?
          Acele et, yemek zamanı
          Siparişi ver, sıcağım
          Numaranı almak için ne gerek?
          Acele et, soğuyor
          Acele et, yemek zamanı
          Siparişi ver, götürülmeye hazırım
          [Nakarat]
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin (Oh, evet)
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin (Götürülmeye hazır)
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin (Oh, evet)
          H-O-T-T-O-G-O
          Beni sıcak sıcak götürebilirsin
          
          
          Off, burası çok sıcak
          Başka yanan var mı?
          Oo, benimle eve mi geliyorsun?
          Tamamdır, bu harika
          Taksi çağıracağım
          
          https://youtu.be/xaPNR-_Cfn0?si=iAEABOKgZHbsLzHd

bu hafta hukuk, iktisat ve matematik sinavlarim var ve galiba sictim... hayatimin tam orta yerine sictim. neyse iyi tarafindan bakalim en azindan sosyoloji dersinden geciyorum ehehehe

geri dondum ve cok degisik hissettirdi eski seyleri gormek...

You won't admit you love me
          And so how am I ever to know?
          You always tell me
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          A million times I've asked you
          And then I ask you over
          Again, you only answer
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          If you can't make your mind up
          We'll never get started
          And I don't wanna wind up
          Being parted, broken-hearted
          So if you really love me, say yes
          But if you don't dear, confess
          And please don't tell me
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          If you can't make your mind up
          We'll never get started
          And I don't wanna wind up
          Being parted, broken-hearted
          So if you really love me, say yes,
          But if you don't dear, confess
          And please don't tell me
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
          Perhaps
          Perhaps
          Perhaps
          
          https://youtu.be/oETTumZhjDU?si=bU1pNfoXHkybUrwt

There's nobody better than you
          It took me a while til I knew
          But you knew from the start it was us, didn't you?
          It just took me a while til I knew
           
          Now I lay as I study a blank wall
          Would you spare me your voice if I call?
          'Cause you waited and watered my heart til it grew
          You just grew a little smarter too
           
          So I don't blame you if you want to
          Bury me in your memory, I'm not the girl I ought to be
          But maybe when you tell your friends, you
          Can tell them what you saw in me, and not how I turned out to be
           
          There's some kind of burning inside me
          It's kept me from falling apart
          And I'm sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart
          But it's kept me from falling apart
           
          Now here I lay, as I wonder about you
          Would you just tell me what I'm meant to do?
          'Cause I've waited and watered my heart til it grew
          You can see how it's blossomed for you
           
          And I don't blame you if you want to
          Bury me in your memory, I'm not the girl I ought to be
          But maybe when you tell your friends, you
          Can tell them what you saw in me, and not the way I am
           
          And I don't mean to make your heart blue
          But could we be what we're meant to be?
          I'm just about to beg you please, and
          Then when you tell your friends, you
          Can tell them what you saw in me, and
          Not the way I used to be
          
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EejD7BUYNtc&ab_channel=Ladin

Another day passes by like this
          My whole day was spent for you
           
          I wore the clothes that you liked the best
          I should look beautiful in the mirror
          But I just look miserable
          The tactless night sky is so beautiful
           
          I wish you could be me
          I wish I could be you
          I wish you could feel it for just a day
          Your heart
          My heart
           
          I wish I could love you
          I wish you would love me
          I wish we could be together just for a day
          So I can let you go without regrets
           
          I want to throw away everything in front of me
          I want to scream out loud but
           
          The only one to listen would be me
          Along with the burning candle
          There’s not much left to my heart
          This beautiful house feels like prison
          The tactless night sky is so beautiful
           
          I wish you could be me
          I wish I could be you
          I wish you could feel it for just a day
          Your heart
          My heart
           
          I wish I could love you
          I wish you would love me
          I wish we could be together just for a day
          So I can let you go without regrets
           
          Sometimes, I want to push everything back and go out like you
          I want to wash down my pain with alcohol, my sadness with laughter
          But I don’t
           
          I wish you could be me
          I wish I could be you
          I wish you could feel it for just a day
          Your heart
          My heart
           
          I wish I could love you
          I wish you would love me
          I wish we could be together just for a day
          So I can let you go without regrets
           
          I wish you could be me
          I wish I could be you
          I wish you could feel it for just a day
          So I can let you go without regrets
          
          https://youtu.be/RtUauTbc6gY

You taste like the fourth of July
          Malt liquor on your breath, my, my
          I love you but I don’t know why
          You can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Taste like a keg party, back on the sauce
          I like you a lot, I like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop you can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Bad to the bone, sick as a dog
          You know that I like, like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop
          He had a cigarette with his number on it
          He gave it over to me, "Do you want it?"
          I knew it was wrong but I palmed it
          I saved it, I waited, I called it
          The liquor on your lips
          The liquor on your lips
          The liquor on your lips makes you dangerous
          I knew it was wrong, I’m beyond it
          I tried to be strong but I lost it
          You taste like the fourth of July
          Malt liquor on your breath, my, my
          You can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Taste like a keg party, back on the sauce
          I like you a lot, I like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop you can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Bad to the bone, sick as a dog
          You know that I like, like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop
          He has a white corvette like I want it
          A fire in his eyes, know, I saw it
          He’s bleeding from his brain and his wallet
          He’s sick and he’s taken but honest
          The liquor on your lips
          The liquor on your lips
          The liquor on his lips I just can’t resist
          As close as I’ll get to the darkness
          He tells me to, "Shut up, I got this"
          You taste like the fourth of July
          Malt liquor on your breath, my, my
          You can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Taste like a keg party, back on the sauce
          I like you a lot, I like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop you can be the boss, daddy
          You can be the boss
          Bad to the bone, sick as a dog
          You know that I like, like you a lot
          Don’t let it stop
          I need you, I need you babe
          Like I never needed anyone
          You’re wrong but you’re so much fun
          You say you treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen
          But you, you're not that nice
          But you taste like the fourth of July
          Malt liquor on your breath, my, my
          
          https://youtu.be/syF3xgvVLKk