unfinished
i am a cluster of unfinished memories.
my mind is half empty, yet my heart is intensely too full for me.
i am a cluster of everything you wanted to be.
my skin pumps black, my veins don’t move.
i was born up wrong, stitched pieces of what you couldn’t see.
i am trying to be the best i could be.
with each step i feel the ground break beneath my feet.
cracking stone turned to glass as your whole body dives into mine.
i am falling through time.
falling and wondering maybe i could freeze this moment and remember you how you are now.
knife in my back and eyes all ruby red.
rage contains you, like father like son.
but in this moment in time you hold me tight and call me ‘daughter’.
that’s all a girl could ever want from her father.
i am a cluster of unfinished memories.
maybe that’s why i write until my hands are numb,
and fight until the war is won (but it never is).
i think maybe if i can create a world of finished people, broken and bruised yet still wholly completed,
maybe i can find the rest of myself inside of them.
and at some point i lose the plot,
lose the poetry, lose the meaning,
but in the end i keep writing, keep through the battle field and trudge until death takes me.
because maybe that’s who i am.
maybe i was born to live to die,
i wonder if after death he will complete me.
hold me carefully and tell me i can finally be full.
i wanted it to be you, dad.
i wanted you to make me whole.
but i wonder if maybe you were never really my father.
maybe part of you was, but the other part was still that little boy you used to be.
two halves clashing together, yearning to be complete.
i am a cluster of unfinished memories.
i got it from you, dad.
but this time i wont wait for someone else to fulfill me.
i can do it on my own.
do what you couldn’t.
just wait and see.
- became employed and lowk forgot abt wattpad, love you guys tho! trinity, xo
