z3r0_th3_gh0st

I don’t get why people are making fun of dreams face I mean to me he looks pretty, but then again I’ve been watching him for like almost 3 years so I could just be biased.Also if you have said that dreams ugly please block or unfollow me. I will not except any hate on my account. One more thing I hope for the people who are not antis of dream to have a lovely day. 

So I'm starting to write again and its a Salvis (Sal x  Travis from the game sally face) book but instead of Travis being the bully Sal is. I just wanted to know if you guys would read it also i have a question if i were to post it should it be a short book or long book and I'm talking like either an hour or like around three to four hours to read it.

Guess who saw their old civics teacher today vaping at Walmart. 
          It was so awkward like we made eye contact and then he looked away with like an oh shit kinda look do you know the look that I’m talking about. If not then I’m going to sound weird but whatever idc at this point so whatever. Anyway I hope that you have a lovely day/night/evening 

⚠️TW transphobia, a lot of cussing and suicidal thoughts⚠️also if there is bad grammar and punctuation idk because I’m tired and just want to fall asleep and never wake up again 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I can’t with anything anymore. I’m sorry,  but I’m discontinuing my books until farther notice I just can’t with the fucking mha fandom it is so fucking toxic and it’s just going to get fucking worse. And my mental health has just been fucking terrible because my meds don’t fucking work and I might have a fucking eating disorder because most days I can’t even look at food and even when I think about it I feel fucking sick. And everything in my life is going to shit because my parents don’t fucking except me for who I am because I bought a chest binder and now my parents are like “oh well when people don’t except you don’t come crying to us because we warned you” like bitch I don’t give a shit if people don’t fucking except me I just want to be myself and live my fucking life. Well at I wanted to until like three fucking years ago now I just want to die and I’m just sad all the time and life just sucks. “But your life shouldn’t suck because your life is so much better than others and you should just be grateful for everything that you have” and I am grateful but it’s just hard to find the will to live anymore. But anyway I feel like that’s enough ranting for one day so goodbye lovely people and I hope you have a great day/night/afternoon and you are loved even if I doesn’t feel like you are. 

⚠️TW suicidal thoughts and thinking of ways that I could die⚠️
          
          
          
          I can’t fucking deal with anything anymore my mom and dad are so fucking toxic I just want to fucking run away I can’t deal with it anymore. I want to fucking die so bad but I don’t want them to feel bad and they don’t need their “perfect family” ruined but I get told every fucking day that I’m not good enough because I’m so depressed that I can’t even fucking clean my room. I’m so tired and I just want to get run over by a car or maybe hang myself, or put a fucking bullet in my head. Maybe I will run away because I can’t take this shit anymore. And I’ve had to deal with them being like this for over five fucking years, keep in mind that I’m only fourteen. I just want to fucking die but I’m scared of death and I don’t want to leave my sisters with the people that I’m forced to call “my parents”. My “mom” is so fucking annoying she just fucking yelled at me for not being able to clean my room when she knows that yelling is one of my triggers and she also knows that I’m so fucking depressed because of Technoblade’s death that it’s hard for me to get out of bed most days (I’m not saying that this is his fault, I had to say this because I know some people that would think that I’m putting the blame on him but I’m not) I just can’t deal with it anymore but I really don’t want to leave my little sisters with them. 

⚠️TW death ⚠️
          
          
          
          
          So I just found out that Technoblade died because of fucking twitter and not the actual video that is titled “so long nerds”(I didn’t get the notification about it). I might need more time to update my books because he was one of my favorite YouTubers and I need time to process this entirely . He made my life so much better just by watching his content, he was my comfort YouTuber. I wish that I could write more but I need time to process my emotions and take a break from social media. Technoblade I know that your not reading this but thank you for everything that you’ve helped me through (he saved my life twice by just posting a video. Also before my last suicide attempt I decided to scroll TikTok and it was that old TikTok audio of Techno saying that it would be ok and that everything was fine. I can’t remember how the audio went but I might go listen to it for a while if I can find it.). So thank you so much for everything and as always goodbye lovely people. 

So I forgot to tell you guys that I am now 14 I don’t know how I forgot to tell you guys that, but I did. My birthday was on April 15th. So I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you guys that. But anyway I hope you have a great day/night/evening. 

So you probably don’t know but I had this book that I was supposed to update ever day in April but I kinda failed at that, sorry. Anyway I hope you have a good day/night/evening again sorry I kinda forgot that I had that book.

Yesterday was my last day of middle school!!!!! And I’m almost 2 months clean!!!! I honestly didn’t think that I would make it this far but I did so I’m kinda proud of my self. I know it seems stupid that I’m proud of something as simple as just getting passed middle school but it was really difficult for me. With all the bullying and me have trauma from a metal hospital (let me know if you guys want a story time about the mental hospital that I went to) these past few years have been really bad. But anyway I hope you have a good day/night/evening and remember you are loved even if it doesn’t feel like it.

I just watched heart stopper for the 8th time and it’s so fucking good like omg and nick is so pretty like why can I not look like him like gender envy much. Ok sorry that’s all I just wanted to tell someone because I can’t tell my parents about the show. have a lovely day/night/evening.