זקל ✡︎

          אני מצער אותך לנצח

Today it dawned on me that I have not been to Israel in 4 years.
          
          My parents are there,my brother and his family as well.
          
          I support Palestine and I do not let my Israeli nationality represent me.
          
          But it was home for so long and I feel like shit for being homesick.

I miss my mum it’s not even funny

Sebastian and I have binge watched baby daddy this whole time.
          
          Came to the conclusion that I would leave him for Derek Theler and he would leave me for Matt Dallas.
          
          I’m not even mad tbh

Ah,i miss my brothers

Sebas has been asleep the whole day and Ceres has just been cuddled up to him.
          
          Definitely siblings if you ask me

I don’t know if you guys have noticed,but in our marriage I’m kinda the yapper 

We’ve been watching the Olympics in this household.
          
          Sebastian is reminiscing on the fact that he could’ve been an Olympic track runner if it wasn’t for cancer.
          
          I’m thinking about how I love the divers and Khoi Young.
          
          And Ceres is excited about the gymnasts!

The reason for my last message is that I keep having dreams were I loose him.
          
          Loving him is amazing,getting to be his husband is the best thing in the world.
          
          But sometimes people don’t talk about how it is being married to someone that is so accident prone + chronically ill,the absolute fear you feel when they don’t get home at a specific hour or when they don’t call or even when they have a slight fever.
          
          I hope I never have to do life without him.

Sometimes I feel like the universe is actively rooting against Sebastian.
          
          Like,how do you have cancer as a kid,then beat it,relapse half a year later,beat it again,go deaf from the chemo toxicity,be NED for 3 years then relapse AGAIN,fall from your balcony because you decided to not listen to your family at 10 years old,survive a crash,beat cancer for the third time just to get major complications from the treatment,get better and be NED for around 8 years,relapse again,go trough a second bone marrow transplant trying to get a cure,get every complication you could get,beat cancer for the fourth time and then get hit-and-run one random night while walking to your university.
          
          all in the span of 20 years???