referring to chapter 1, this scene works because the concept is strong, but it could hit harder if you slow it down and let the tension sit a little longer. try breaking up longer sentences and using more short lines so important moments stand out — like when everyone goes quiet, or when he looks at her. you can also lean more into Talia’s internal reactions instead of just describing what’s happening around her (what does it feel like when he stares at her? confusion? nerves? curiosity?). adding small physical details — a pause before she answers, the way his voice sounds, how close he stands — would make the interaction feel more intimate and intentional. and instead of explaining things like rumors or fear directly, you could show them through whispers, glances, or people moving out of the way. the moment is there already — it just needs more space to breathe. im totally not criticising your work, you’re so talented!! but if you would like to improve, i hope this helps!! sorry, im not great at giving advice to be completely honest
