I feel so disconnected from my emotions right now. Earlier this week, my grandfather died. I didn't even get to process his death and now I just found out that Liam is dead. I don't know what to feel.
Do I cry?
Should I feel sad?
How do I mourn someone?
I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't even get to hug my grandfather for the last time and now he's dead. I didn't even get to meet and hug Liam and now I can't, even if I want to so bad. I don't know how to deal with these feelings, and I'm minutes away from detaching myself from reality. I don't know the issues that surround Liam before his death, and I will never want to know. I will keep this image of him I created deep in my heart and never forget it. Liam's smile was one of the reasons I'm still here and didn't give up on life. And to think his life will end in the way I've been thinking to end mine.
Liam, I've always seen you as the leader of One Direction. The kind of leader I strive to become. The kind of person who smiles and makes people smile despite the demons you've been facing. Now that you are with our Almighty Father, I hope you found the inner peace and happiness you've been searching for. And please hug my grandfather for me, tell him that I love him and he should rest now that he is there. May you two angels find peace in your passing. I love you two, you'll always be remembered.
