Forgotten Memories ❁Kuroken❁

♡Chapter 3♡

TW: Towards the end of this chapter and the next few chapters there will be mentions of self harm. I will not go in details with these scenes but please don't read if those trigger you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I did want to hear his reasons on why he stopped texting me, the main reason I called instead of texting was that, well I wanted to hear his voice. Luckily since Shoyo was at the house at the time when I hung up my anxiety didn't let me cry. I just have to make it through dinner.

This is for Shoyo, I want to make him happy.

Shoyo and I were the first to arrive at the restaurant after the game, but Kageyama and his plus one soon arrived, Shoyo was very excited to see Kageyama, but his smile slightly faded when he saw someone at his arm. "Hey Kags! Whose that?" He asked.

"Oh- This is Moss, my partner." Kageyama replied, too which Moss nodded, I noticed something switch with Shoyo's expressions when Kageyama announced that he was in a relationship. It was the same face I make when thinking about Kuroo..

Don't tell me that means..

No..

Surely Shoyo doesn't love Kageyama..

He loves me.. Right?

But soon enough I saw Shoyo's smile return, a smile that lit up the room. 
I love that smile. 

Then I realized what he was waving at, or who, and that was Kuroo. My heart started racing when I saw his face, he's changed, but he hasn't at all. All I know is that I might have just fallen in love with him for the second time.

Kenma, are you some sort of love struck idiot?  Shoyo is literally standing next to you.

Although as soon as I thought that Shoyo grabbed my hand as if to tell Kuroo 'Hey look at us! We are dating!'

Kuroo walked over to us, my heart started pounding harder. "Hey shrimpy" He said to Shoyo. "Hey Kenma." He smiled and waved like everything was normal. My heart was about to jump out of my chest I could feel it. "Hey Kuroo.." Was all I said before sitting down. Shoyo sat on one side of me while Kuroo sat on the other side. "Kuroo, did you not say you were going to bring your girlfriend tonight?" Moss said from the other side of the table. 

Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend.. Why did hearing that hurt so much.. I have a boyfriend.

"Huh? Oh! Cassidy, right. Yeah I was going to invite her but she had work." He replied before turning to some of our teammates and started talking to them. "Honestly we all expected you and Kenma to end up together Kuroo" Lev spoke up, the table soon fell to an awkward silence before Shoyo started laughing. "Kuroo and Kenma? No! They're just friends!" He said turning to us.

"Uh.. Yeah." I said to break the silence. Why are things so awkward now.. "Um.. If you'll excuse me I need to go to the restroom." I said before getting up and rushing away from the bathroom. 

How was I supposed to know Kuroo followed after me?

I got inside the bathroom as soon as possible and stood in front of the sink. "Dammit Kuroo.. With your stupid, perfect face. And- and your voice that makes my heart do those stupid things. And your stupid girlfriend. Your stupid girlfriend that I-" I cut myself off with tears, they ran down my face and I watched as they fell onto the counter. 

"Kenma?" I heard a voice ring out. A voice that made my heart beat faster.

That voice is connected to..

"Kuroo! Why are you in here?" I turned around to see Kuroo staring at me, I tried hiding my tear covered face while trying to get them to stop, but they just kept pouring out of me. I watched Kuroo walk over to me, he grabbed my hands and gently moved them away from my face. "Do you really think my voice is perfect Kenma?" He asked, I was basically pinned against the counter with Kuroo standing over me at this point. Part of me didn't mind though.

"Kuroo.. This isn't right- Shoyo-" I was stumbling over my words at this point, there was something about the way he was over me that just made it difficult to make out the right words. "What Shrimpy doesn't know won't hurt him~" Was what Kuroo said before we kissed.

I just kissed the man I've been in love with since high school.

The worst part was realizing that it wasn't okay and pulling away from him. "Kuroo.. No. We can't do this. It's not okay." I said before pushing away from him. "We are both in relationships and I don't know about you but I love Shoyo. So, I'm sorry. But I cannot be with you." I told him, and I left him alone in the bathroom.

I walked back to the table to everyone laughing and having fun. "I'm sorry to cut our meeting short but I need to be heading home, I'm not feeling well." I announced to the table. "Well Kenma is it okay if I don't get home tonight, Atsumu texted me and invited me over for the night after this." Shoyo asked.  "Yeah, you go have fun, I'll see you tomorrow." 

I grabbed my jacket and Shoyo got up and stole a hug from me, I stole a kiss right back. And I made sure Kuroo saw that. 

When I got home I cried. A lot. I cheated on the love of my life. And I loved every second of it. The events flashed through my head on a loop. Kuroo having me pushed against a wall.. And kissing me-

And he's not Shoyo. He's not the person I should be doing that stuff with..

Why am I such a bad boyfriend? I'm dating him and I still can't get over Kuroo..

I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I'm a cheater. I'm the worst. Shoyo needs someone better than me. I don't deserve Kuroo either. I deserve to be alone with maybe a cat, not even. 

Before I realized what was happening I was in the bathroom with a small razor in hand.

And then,

There was blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I DONT LIKE WRITING SPICY THINGS FSKLDJKLG
1035 words