Forgotten Memories ❁Kuroken❁

☞Chapter 4☜

Tw: This chapter will include mentions of self harm
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I kissed my childhood best friend. I kissed him in a restaurant bathroom, while his boyfriend was waiting for us, and my girlfriend was away at work, the issue was that after it happened, it was the only thing I could think about, which wasn't good for when I got home and my girlfriend wanted to talk to me.

"So how was the dinner?" She asked as I walked into the apartment. 

I had him pinned against the counter .

"It was good. I got to talk to a few old friends." I answered and sat down with her, it soon turned into a normal cuddling session between the two of us. 

He wouldn't stop stuttering over his words, and then when we kissed..

"Really? I'm glad you had fun! Work today wasn't so bad-.." I zoned out after that as I went back to thinking about Kenma.

Maybe it was the way he looked at me, maybe it was the way that his lips felt against mine but I didn't want him too leave.

Oh the things I wanted to do to him...

The thing that brought me back out of my thoughts was my phone ringing. "Whose calling?" Cassidy asked, she had her head laying on my chest until I had to get up when I saw who was calling. "Ah, a work call, I'll be right back Cass" I said before kissing her head and rushing off to be alone.

Kenma is calling...

I accept the call to hear Kenma sobbing on the other end, "Kuroo.. Shoyo isn't coming home and I have no one else.. I did something really stupid and now there's so much blood and my arm hurts.." He managed to get out through his sobs, it took me a minute but I put two and two together and realize what he meant. "Kenma don't tell me you-"

"I didn't mean too! I felt bad for cheating on Shoyo and then I was in the bathroom and now I'm here.. I'm sorry.." After he said that the call went quiet except for the quiet sobs that Kenma would let out. "Kenma I'm coming over." I said after a few moments of silence. "Kuroo- no I don't want to bother you I'll be fine I just needed someone to-"

"Kenma I'm coming over." I repeated, cutting him off. "I'll be there soon, don't be stupid." I said before hanging up so he couldn't argue. Now comes the hard part, figuring out what to tell my girlfriend.

"Cass, a work friend needs my help I need to go see him but I'll be back as soon as I can, alright?" I said quickly as I got ready to rush out the door. "Alright.. Be safe, I love you-" She said as I walked out.

"Love you too!" I called before closing the door.

I forgot to give her a kiss but, that's not important right now.

I rushed into his house without asking because, well, being nice didn't really matter to me at this point.

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Talk about self harm begins here
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"Kenma where the hell are you?!" I yelled out as I ran inside searching for him. When I didn't hear him answer I started running through each of the rooms, shouting his names, I arrived at the final door and started turning the knob when I finally heard him speak. "Kuroo.. Please don't come in, I don't want you to see me right now.." He basically whispered from the other side of the door. "Kenma I know your injured right now, I'm coming in to help." I told him as I started opening the door. "Kuroo please.." He pleaded, but I didn't care, I opened the door to see him sitting in the bathtub, there was a lot of blood.

I immediately ran towards him. "Ok, we have to get this cleaned up, then we'll wrap up your arm then-" "Kuroo.. Thank you for coming." Kenma got out before beginning to cry again, I wrapped my arms around him. "Hey-.. Of course, I mean your my friend, right?" I ask before removing myself from the hug and starting to look for things to clean the wounds and bandages.
"Yeah.. Friends.." Was his only response.

"Kuroo, that stings.." Kenma mumbled as I was cleaning up the cuts. "I'm almost done. Here, hold my hand and if it hurts you can squeeze it, alright?" I held up my hand and he hesitantly took it. After that I started cleaning the cuts again, every now and then he would wince and squeeze my hand.
"There, all done, now it's time for the bandages" I said as I started to pull some out from a container  I found in his bathroom.

"Why did you kiss me?" Kenma asked, making me pause what I was doing. "Well, because I missed my chance when we were younger. And I wasn't thinking, it was stupid of me." I answered, going back to bandaging his arms, but he stopped me and moved his face so it was in front of mine.  "So, you did like me when we were younger? I wish I knew that.." He said, his voice was getting quieter with each word. 

Oh to be able to kiss him right now..

"Hey- I should finish with your cuts and then you should go to sleep, you probably need it." I said, I couldn't talk to him anymore, with him that close it was hard to control myself. So, I pushed him away.. 

Again.

Once Kenma was asleep in his room I went to clean their bathroom, I still want to take care of him until Hinata got home, so after that I walked over to the living room, sat down, and waited for the morning.

"Kuroo? What are you doing in my house-" Hinata said as he walked inside the next morning. "Well- it's kind of a long story, you might want to sit down." I replied, I wanted to tell him the full truth, but I couldn't tell him that it was my fault that everything happened.

"So, Kenma called me last night crying because he was well.. Cutting his wrists." I talked slowly hoping that he wouldn't flip out, instead of him being scared I was met with the sunshine that is Hinata, crying. He started crying. "W-why would he do that? Is it my fault?" Hinata asked, putting his face into his hands. "Hinata- No- it's because he felt bad.. For.." I cut myself off, I didn't want to tell him that Kenma cheated on him, and definitely didn't want to tell him it was with me.

"For what Kuroo?! Tell me what happened!" Hinata said quickly, he looked up and a mix of puppy dog eyes and tears was on his face, I had to tell him. "He cheated on you, during the dinner." I said before getting up. "I have to go." 

And I left before Hinata could ask any questions.

You just ruined their relationship.

You left your girlfriend alone to help with someone who doesn't love you.

Different thoughts rang through Kuroo's head before he was greeted with his girlfriend.

This isn't fair to Cassidy.. I can't keep going in this relationship if I still love Kenma. She deserves better.

"Hey Kuroo! I'm glad your home, you started to scare me-" "Cassidy, we need to talk." 

"Oh- uhm- Okay?" She replied and sat down on the couch, I sat next to her, took a deep breath, and started saying the hardest things for me to say.

"Cassidy, I love you. I love you so much.. But.. Our relationship can't keep going. I'm not one hundred percent in our relationship and it's not fair to you, I want you too be happy, and I can't help that while we are still in a relationship." I said it. And it hurt but it had to happen.

Cassidy surprisingly wasn't mad, she did cry for a little bit but she understood, we agreed it would be best to remain friends. We hugged and that night I slept alone.

I didn't sleep that much anyways.

All I could think about was him.

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WELL-

yeah

there's that

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