We fall in love right when we less expect and we fall hard. There was a time I forgot I have a heart. I thought the best I can do is fancy someone, I thought I am trouble for anyone .. Then he proved me I was wrong. Blonde hair, hazel eyes .. I had have known him for about 6 months. We were friends, I guess, even though most of times he was the last person I would've called. He was always that person that could bore me to death or annoy me until I leave. Each time he called I made up something to skip it or simply won't pick up. I remember he asked for me to come to the Christmas prom or so that his school organised and after I agreed I forgot and made other plans. To be hones, I done a lot of things like this to him even if he never did .. He was the last name on my list, just another face in a big crowd..
Last days of December. His girfriend was out of town and he called me to hang out. After we spent our day out he came over so we could watch a movie that was just not loading without pausing it. We had to wait. He started to tickle me and is was so annoying. From an instinct I got un top on him just to immobilize his hands and make him stop but I shouldn't. I should't because he looked at me and dragged me so we were chest to chest. Then that eye contact.. We have never been so close to each other before and it felt strange. I felt like I wanted to kiss him and something told me he wanted it too but kissing him was wrong and so I forced myself to move my head and rest in on his shoulder. It was so awkward. I felt him touching my back with his fingers and moving them slowly from my neck to the bottom of my spine. I found myself kissing his neck without knowing what I'm doing and why. All I knew was that it feels nice. Well, wrong move. It all turned into an another direction. We were leaving bite marks on each other's necks and our hands were moving like crazy then in need to move my head I created that weird eye contact again. This time I gave it in and kissed him hard while trying to keep control of my breath. He responded. We were making out in my room and dad was sleeping in the next one but who cared? I just love the self esteem I get during this things. He pulled my hair and scratched my back easily. Maybe he wasn't shure if it's my kind of things but my body language gave him the answer as I kissed him again even harder and put my hands around his back so I could embrace him. It was already late, his phone kept ringing .. He had to go and so he did but not before giving me a bear hug that left me astonished for I was still not getting any of what happened. "Well, this was something ..", I said to myself, "Something .. very unexpected .. something wrong .. But I never thought wrong could feel so right.."
2 days later, 9:00 AM. I spent the whole night replaying all of it in my head over and over and over again.. "But I never do this. I never lie awake creating scenes after a random thing. Could it be possible to fall? Well.. I hope not." But I needed to see him again. I called and 1 hour later he came over again. Not after very long we were doing it again. I couldn't ask for more in that moment. For me it was perfect. The sound of his breath getting heavier, the energy I felt, the lust that was running through my veins.. There are no words to describe. We had to stop but the electricity in the air refused to allow. I was looking at his face while running my fingers through his hair and realised all I ever wanted was there. He was not just a face in the crowd anymore, he was the only one I could see and seeing him was worth waking up in the morning.
A few hours later I was brushing my hair so we could go out. He was waiting for me in the other room. Then he came and told me he knows what's in my mind. I told a friend about this and it seems like he saw the conversation.. I was flabbergasted.. I couldn't make a move but then he came closer, pulled me into the wall and kissed me while lifting up my T-shirt. I felt it running through my veins again. He lifted me up and pushed me in the bed when we got in my room. All of this while kissing me. The feeling was intoxicating. I wanted him in every way there was to want a person. Last thing I wanted was for him to stop. I felt like belonging, like there was a link between us that I never noticed. He scratched deep into my back leaving red marks which felt amazing. I bit his lower lip and lost control. It was perfect. Out green-hazel eyes meet and his pupils were dilatateing. But once again we had to stop. It was forbidden or it was not our time but all I knew was that I must make it be because I was addicted to his smell, to his heavy breath and to the way he made me feel. And suddenly I understood why: I was in love with him!
New year eve passed. I spent it sad and drunk wishing he was there and not with his girlfriend that returned. Next days I was sober and sad. I kept on being sad and lonely. We were still talking but not as much as before. Then, that friend who knew started to speak and destroyed something that could have been the best thing that ever happened to me. He started the conversation and I knew it would be the last one. I typed the next text carefully with tears in my eyes and a bitter taste in my mouth. Then I sent it without rereading because I was afraid I would delete it. So it was all there. What I felt, how I felt, what I shouldn't feel.. I turned off my phone in the next second and closed inside myself. Next days felt like hell and it kept getting worse ever since. Him: blonde hair, hazel eyes. Him: a book I never got a chance to read, the main inspiration for every poetry I write, the first thought in the morning and the last one at night.Him: a story that never begun.
