The Four In One Christmas Story

Santa's Back

@Batprinceco

Wearing his red robe and Gucci pants, Santa was seated on his Request chair... holding a cigarette?

"Ho ho ho!"

Yes, he meant a different kind of ho. Two thick latino girls where seated on his laps wearing nothing but bra and...

"Yes Ginger, why are you standing there just there staring at me? Or do you want to get in?" He asks, smacking one of the girls butt.

"Em, no sir..."

"Then why are you here?"

"Sir, tomorrow's Christmas. And you haven't given me or the rest of the elves any instructions yet." Santa tapped on the girls as if telling them to leave at once. They complied, though one winked at me before she left.

"Bloody christmas eh? Now tell me, why should I give a fuck about Christmas?"

I was taken aback for a second. "What? Sir, it's Christmas. I mean, this is like your time..."

"Just give me a damn reason!" Santa said.

I took some seconds to recompose myself. I have never seen Santa this angry, noone has.

"Sir, everyone expects you show up."

"Why yes, they do. Humans eh? Yet the moment they're teens they are told not to believe in Santa. After all I did! I mean, what's the bloody point then?"

"But sir if I may argue,we are not real though. So we can't really blame them for..."

"Yes I know, we're factual myths. But still, we contributed a great deal to their childhoods. They can't just, just, do that to us!" Santa said. Damn, who would have thought the jolly fat man was this sensitive.

"Okay sir, I get that it's not fair. But, it's just the brand. You're the face of Christmas..."

"Not for the Christian though." Gosh, how many times was he going to keep interrupting me? "I'm pretty sure Christmas is to celebrate the birth of their savior, em Jesus. I don't matter to them."

"But sir, not everyone is a Christian. And even some of the christians enjoy your representation of joy and happiness." I walked up to Santa (something no other living elf has ever done). "Sir, remember the dark ages. When all people had was fear and instincts for survival. There wasn't time to be happy. Noone had the time to wrap up a present or sing a song for you. Sir, you're a gift to this generation. and well, the last couple ones too. You are a source of joy, a spark of hope in little children's eyes and bring warm reminiscence to adults. Sir, you're Santa..."

"Okay enough, gosh you're boring. " He said. He stood up from his chair and looked me in the eyes. "Gather the elfs, we're gonna kill every last human who still believes in our existence."

"Wait what!"

"I'm just kidding. Begin stocking, Christmas is coming."

"Yes sir." I quickly turned and headed off to the door, but not before I heard that nolstagic and probably differently meanted "Ho ho ho.