Finding Me

Chapter 7

I didn't like to act like what I would call a show off but this time I couldn't help myself. I wanted to show off my knowledge of American literature.

"Come said the Muse,
Sing me a song no poet yet has chanted,
Sing me the Universe."

Becky's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You know Walt Whitman?"

"I love Whitman. And Thoreau. And Emerson," I said. I saw a light of appreciation shining in Becky's eyes. It spread across her face until she was glowing.

I felt the guard that I always kept up around my heart begin to crack. Only a small crack but I could definitely feel the the shift in my chest. Something was changing. It felt weird but good. Not a bad feeling, but different from what I was used to.

Behind Becky, the waitress came out of the kitchen carrying a tray of what I had to assume was our food. As it was only 4:00 pm, we were the only people in the diner.

The waitress sat a plate in front of Becky. "Here's your omelette," she said," and Steph , your usual bacon cheeseburger and onion rings. Enjoy your food." The waitress smiled and left us to eat.

"You must eat here a lot for them to know what you want."

The pepper in the onion ring batter was spicy on my tongue as I put whole one in my mouth. " Yeah I do. My mother and the owner know each other. " We ate in silence for a few moments.

There was a part of me that wants to nothing but just stare at her. I kept trying to sneak glances without being obvious but I was not good at that kind of thing. I'm sure she noticed.

"Can I ask you a question?" Becky asked breaking the silence.

I shrugged. " I guess you can. You just did." My lips tipped up at the corners. Yes it was a stupid joke but at my heart there lies a smart ass person.

She tipped her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. "Okay smart ass. I guess I walked into that."

I laughed a little. " I'm sorry . I can't help it sometimes."

"Most people react when I talk about having a girlfriend ," Becky said, " you didn't" It wasn't a question , just a statement.

"Not really a question," I said.

"Why aren't you shocked?" Becky asked.

My shoulders rose in a half hearted shrug. " None of my business really ," I said . But I didn't stop there. " I'm gay too so nothing really to be shocked about." I was playing with my coffee cup while we were talking. I just noticed that the steam that was coming off of it was now gone. Being gay is not something I readily admit to people , let alone someone I just met a few hours before. I didn't know why I was telling Becky but something told me it was the right thing to do.

Becky was staring at me. It took all my will not to squirm under her gaze. I looked out the window at the blur of cars going about their business on the highway.

"I thought so ," she said.

That caught me by surprise. " How did you know?"

She shrugged. "I have a sense about things sometimes." A smile played on her lips. "But I also could feel your eyes on me as I walked away." I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"Sorry," I said, " I didn't mean to be so obvious."

"It's okay. I didn't mind then and I don't mind it now. I see you trying to look at me out of the corners of your eyes." Becky had a casual confidence to her that I wished I had. If I thought my skin was hot before, it must have looked like I had a sunburn now.

"Sorry,' I said again," I'm not good in these types of situations."

"You say you're sorry a lot, do you know that? And what types situations ?"